SWTOR 30 Day Jedi Challenge - End

So I totally haven't finished the 30 days, BUT it's now moving on to just moving on from one planet to the next. And in all fairness, I haven't thought about ANY of that from a RP standpoint. Coruscant, maybe, because Arri shows up in Vacy's story in that one, but all I really know is that she's coming back to Coruscant at that point. I really don't have any headcanons for any of this, sooo I'd just be kind of slapping things together and pretending it mattered.

Which it doesn't. I'm sorry, Arri. You deserve a better writer than me.

OTOH I may have a go at this one sometime soon.

The Problem With Higher Standards

Sometimes I miss being ignorant of both my privilege and my oppression.

I went to see two movies this summer: Pacific Rim and Two Guns. I enjoyed both of them and went to see Pacific Rim two more times after I first watched it. And despite liking both movies, I couldn't help feeling disappointed. Maybe disappointed is too strong a word; perhaps 'dissatisfied' would be more accurate.

Both have lead characters who are POC (though none of them are a sole lead; they all share the spotlight with white dudes). Pacific Rim also has a female character as an action protagonist. She gets her own narrative arc that is about her development, rather than supporting the development of a male character.

Spoilers below.

---

Another friend wanted to see Two Guns after we'd already watched it once. And I just... I knew I wasn't going to enjoy it a second time. The first time through, the clever dialogue and the chemistry between Denzel and Marky Mark was enough to get me past the painfully hackneyed racial and gender tropes: a Mexican drug lord who is in cahoots with the CIA! domestics and thugs! and of course there's one female character who is of any significance and what happens? she gets fridged.

Ugh.

And I was just so bummed about it, because like... I want to be able to spend time with this friend, but I feel like no matter what I do, I'm excluded. Either I tag along and suffer through a movie that I'm not happy about and keep my mouth shut so everyone else can have fun, or I stay home by myself while everyone else has fun.

I'm tentatively hopeful about Saving Mr. Banks, though.

Because Writing Is Good For You :P

Okay, here we go again. On the way to school.

I hate when I think I'm ready to go early, and then I remember that I don't have my medicine with me, and my phone and wallet are in the other room. And THEN I think I'm ready BUT then I feel like I need to go through my bag to make sure that my keys are there and where are they? I was sure they were here! And… oh. Okay. There they are. And by this time, rather than being a few minutes ahead of schedule, I'm a few minutes behind schedule. It's so frustrating.

The Hunk and I talked for most of the trip, so I didn't write as much.

When we got to school, I found out that today would be another Day Of Stress. Not only is it senior portrait day, which involves stress because OF COURSE there are seniors who didn't sign up for a time, or forgot what time they signed up for, BUT ALSO we had to schedule portraits AROUND a senior assembly, and then we had to reschedule another group of them because we have a homeroom today to vote for homecoming queen (no king, just queen) and then later on there's going to be a fire drill.

*facepalm*

Add to this the stress of being told that unlike other years, seniors who do not have their sitting fee WILL NOT be able to have their portraits made today. And we were unable to schedule another portrait date until frickin' NOVEMBER.

Oh - and on top of all of that, the internet is down. AGAIN.

How the hell am I supposed to use technology effectively when we KEEP having problems of this nature? OF COURSE everyone is still going to expect us to produce an inclusive, error-free yearbook on schedule.

I'm TIRED of being expected to produce amazing results without the support needed to do so.

So Much To Do!

One thing I hate about recovery is how much it slows me down. And really, I'm glad I have so many people who care about me, but it does sometimes get frustrating having so many people telling me that I should take it easy. I am taking it easy! There is not one day that goes by when I feel like I've gotten a lot done. It's always, "well, I got a lot done considering that I'm taking it easy".

But one thing I like is that it's given me lots of practice paying attention to my body, and the different sensations I get from different parts of it and what they might mean and how I need to respond to them.

Speaking of needing to get things done, I am going to post this and then go make a phone call that has eluded me for about a week now. And then I'll edit it to add more.

***

Annnnd somehow I have a wrong number. Everything seems so complicated. Like I just remembered that I decided to brush my teeth AFTER breakfast this morning because I have to take my pain meds WITH food, so the sooner I started eating, the sooner I could take my medicine. But my tummy doesn't feel so great, so I ate kind of slowly and then by the time I was finished I was thinking about other things that I needed to do. Darnit.

And so now that the Hunk is out of the bathroom I am going to go brush my teeth!

***

Getting back into the swing of things

There just isn't enough time in the day to do everything that I'd like to get done. There's school, laundry, dishes, fixing meals (I hesitate to call what I do "cooking"), exercise, reading & commenting on the ECN, keeping up with what's going on in the lives of friends & family through SMS, Facebook, Twitter, reading my library books and attempting to return them without TOO huge of a fine, watching TV shows or movies or playing WoW, blogging, updating and responding on Goodreads, church, game night, doctor's appointments, grocery shopping, paying bills, and oh yeah, let's not forget eating, showering, and sleeping!

It's no wonder that I haven't updated this site in months. *sigh*

I've started exercising again. There are Zumba classes in my parents' neighborhood, and I actually enjoy it, which is really nice, because on the whole I haaate exercising. It's unpleasant and uncomfortable and usually boring. Zumba at least isn't boring. It still feels like work, and it's quite challenging, and I feel very self-conscious about my coordination, but I like dancing and music so it's not too bad. Plus I'm kind of middle-of-the-pack in how good I am at learning & performing the choreographies, so I don't feel TOO clumsy, or like I'm showing off.

The down side is that I haven't lost ANY WEIGHT. And it doesn't seem like it's affected my size at all, either, which I know is not supposed to be as important, but hey, that's what I care about. Weight is just a number. I have noticed that I can do more before I wear out than I could when I started. But I'd really like to be able to wear my favorite outfits again and there's been ZERO progress in that area, and it's been almost a month. It's quite discouraging.

I've started bellydance classes again as well - I quit going for a few sessions because I was spending, like, ALL MY TIME trying to get the stupid yearbook finished. *glower* We're starting a new fanveils choreography that looks pretty darn awesome if I do say so myself.

Ok, gonna post this now cuz I has food & it's time to EET! :D

Good Habits - November 4

So I fixed oatmeal for breakfast and I brushed my teeth. Everything was going well up until the senior group photo. THEY WERE AWFUL. Ugh. Worst group photo I've ever supervised. Good gravy. So then when my second-block students had leftover junk food from another class I made a bit of a pig of myself. Tasty, though.

Today's prompt is Sartre said "Hell is other people," while Streisand sang, "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world." Which is right? Why?

This is supposed to be a prompt for a college application essay. I figure colleges want to hear you say that you agree with Streisand. They don't want students who are misanthropic because you're going to be around people all the time and if you're miserable it might make the other paying customers unhappy and less likely to continue paying. So insert some blather here about how everyone needs community. Oo, a good place to reference Donne's "No Man Is An Island" schpiel.

It looks like they're finishing up - by the time I get the writing prompt up and then they start writing and I take attendance and put that in the computer as well as in my notebook and check for SSR books and ask those who don't have them about them well ZOOM... it's very nearly time to quit writing anyway.

Hope to dance tonight.

Good Habits - October 15

I am so frustrated. I woke up early this morning - four goddamn thirty - and couldn't get back to sleep. So slightly after five I thought, wtf, I'll just get up and soak in the tub for awhile. At least it'll be restful. So I turned the faucet to just below scalding and let the tub start to fill.

However.

SOMEHOW our hot-water-tank-thing is fucked up. Because when I went back and brushed my fingers through the water, it was ... mild. Hm, I thought as I got in, I'll need to fill it the rest of the way with straight-hot.

Of course my hand LIED to me, because when your skin gets wet and then is out in the air it feels a lot fucking colder. Grrr.

Also? the hot water? Not hot.

So, whatever. Everything sucks. I didn't get my nice soak, God only knows when the damn supplement is coming in, I hate nameplates, students are going to bitch about mistakes and ... I don't fucking care - get over yourself. You know? I don't need the five bucks that damn badly. It is NOT worth it.

Fuck.

Good Habits - October 13

So I kind of got spoiled last week when I was on fall break. I said, "hey, it's fall break! I'm going to take a break!" And I had forgotten how much I like not writing! So... it's going to take some extra self-discipline to get started again. :P

Anyway. Today I have my Journalism students responding to a couple of quotes in their writers' notebooks:

An error does not become truth because many people speak it, nor does truth become error because nobody sees it.
- Mohandas Gandhi

A lie told often enough becomes the truth.
- Vladimir Lenin

Obviously, the latter statement means more that a lie told often enough becomes accepted as the truth. That's what I think, anyway. Or, because language is mutable, in some cases an obvious lie, told often enough, loses so much power that it code-switches to the truth. Like when oppressed groups "reclaim" insulting words.

I also find it intriguing that 'error' is used in the translation of Gandhi's quote, but 'lie' is the word in Lenin's. I don't speak Russian or Hindi, so I don't have a way to find out - at least not right now - but it does make me curious what the original words were and what connotations they had.

I am a little grumpy today because I called the pharmacy and they STILL did not have the prescription for me. I called the doctor YESTERDAY and they said they'd have it in YESTERDAY and now it is TODAY and my mouth feels so gross. And it's all back in my throat and around and under my tongue and... BLECHH! Actually I think it's more than a LITTLE grumpy right now. I hate this. I hate this so much. And the medicine better not taste as awful as it did last time. Ooo, that sucked. GRRRR.

We did get our phones last night. I've been trying to log in to the EC Ning but the damn ning won't let me. It keeps saying my password is wrong. I've tried to reset it TWICE SO FAR but when I type in the new password (after resetting it) I still get the message that it's wrong. WTF, people?!

FML.

Good Habits - October 1

So it's the day before fall break, and I'm taking it easy. I'm actually ready to go home and relax for a bit - never mind that I've got quite a bit of grading to do. NOT looking forward to that.

The newspaper came out today. I've already heard some complaints about it: a missing period and a miscapitalized name (JOnes). Really? Seriously, people? That's what you're noticing? No wonder you're so miserable and you want to quit. I've got news for you, though: it's not the job that's making you miserable. You're carting that load of rocks around with you everywhere you go.

I need to make sure that I reserve a TV/DVD combo for the Monday & Tuesday after fall break so's we can watch A State of Mind. I need to make sure I turn in the money for NP sales. We didn't actually MAKE any money, unfortunately. Of course, we never do. I wish they'd bring back school-wide SSR again. I bet we'd make a ton.

I don't really have much else I want to say. I'd rather read. Plus I need to keep working on my unit plans for drama.

Good Habits - September 25

I'm sick of poo.

Seriously. One of the things I never knew about chemo is how much my life would become about poo. Let me tell you, it is apparently hell on the digestive system. I knew I would be nauseous, but the poo? They don't tell you about the poo.

I need something stronger than Tums. I've been chomping these things down like they're frickin' M&Ms. Well, maybe not quite in those numbers. How about like Starbursts? I mean, I'm not putting a handful in my mouth at the same time and chowing down...

Then again, I really don't eat M&Ms. So maybe that's inaccurate for other reasons.

But yeah, I was up every hour or two last night to grab some more Tums and head to the potty. *sigh* Very annoying when you're so damn tired and you're also disturbing someone ELSE's sleep. Blih.

But now I'm awake, at least for a little bit. And I'm going to update Goodreads.

Good Habits - September 22

Back at school today. Yesterday was ... interesting. Stayed home and in bed most of the day. Kept my phone handy because I asked my Journalism Gremlins to report in.

So of course today is catchup-day. I've got a meeting during planning but we don't have enough people here for the activity we were supposed to do together. It really irritates me because it's due tomorrow, and the person who requested that we meet today isn't here! AURGH!

I have a meeting after school today and I don't think I'm going to make it. I'm ready to go home and take a nap. WHEW.

It's incredibly frustrating to hear from several colleagues in my department that they just want to play along with our current professional development. Kind of like, keep your head down and do what you've always done and hopefully you won't get reamed out for it. And I'm thinking... what about becoming a better teacher? Why NOT actually work together, like they've given us time for, instead of just doing what we've always done? Why NOT review work together rather than slogging through it alone?

Hearing my fellow teachers complain that they don't understand what our PD coordinator wants is discouraging. It wasn't that hard - (1) use data from previous years to determine which of our students may need extra help, and (2) present a student work sample to the group and then listen as the group discusses the work sample.

Not. Frikkin. Tough.

But, God, they whine worse than the teenagers! "When are we supposed to have time to dooo this?" and "I don't know why they think they know so much; I'm just gonna do what I've always done."

And I'm scared. We're working on 1984 and I have several who aren't reading at home, but won't read in class, either. I keep hearing "It's too hard!" and "It's so boring!" And I'm not entirely sure what to do. :( I wonder about giving them some questions and going online to SparkNotes together, so they at least have some idea of what's going on... but then I don't want them just using that as a substitute for the novel. I'm really just feeling lost. :(

Good Habits - September 20

Hopefully this day won't kill me.

So I'd scheduled fall sports photos for after school today. Two of the three coaches contacted me this morning and said "oops." *sigh* So, gotta reschedule those. Seniors are not showing up for their appointment times. Trying to track them down.

I just... I'm tired, and frustrated, and ANGRY. No. Maybe not angry. I think "resentful" is more accurate. When seniors just come into the middle of class and say "I didn't sign up for retakes." And I'm not just frustrated with them. I scheduled all the seniors I didn't have listed, and then last week I sent out an email to all teachers saying "if you have ANY of these students, please remind them of their scheduled times."

Sometimes I wonder why I bother. *sigh*

Good Habits - September 16

I hate going to the dentist.

Good Habits - September 15

So it sounds like I am losing one of my seniors. Her dad kicked her out and she has had to go and live with her mom in Atlanta. I'm pretty bummed. And tired. And frustrated.

And I'm a little angry with my students. I had them working in groups and gave them a small, simple task and it took three times as long as I had allotted for it. Well, for SOME groups. But I figured I gave extra time and they just dawdled and chatted their way through it. Oooo, it steamed me.

Also? I have a student who wasn't here when we started. I handed him a copy of the book we're reading as a class. Twenty minutes later, he can't find it. WTF? He's like "someone musta took it off my desk." Well, now, who was supposed to be keeping track of that book, kiddo?

If I find out that I am being shorted books, group work will be OVER. There will BE no discussion. We will work in class each day and that will be ALL. We'll do grammar work for homework and I will have peace and quiet because they will be reading silently during the day. There will be NO signouts. AT ALL EVER.

Okay, so maybe it's gotten a bit past "a little angry."

Grrrr...

And I haven't made my word count yet. But there's still so much to do. You know, I kind of hope they're losing books. Because then I get more time to do MY work. Heh heh heh...

Good Habits - September 3

So today I brushed my teeth and washed my face when I got up, and I fixed boiled eggs and a biscuit for breakfast. And now it is second period and the quickwrite is about school spirit - what does it look like in pictures? What causes people to have (and show!) school spirit?

Honestly, I don't know the answer to the second one. I really don't have a lot of school pride. I'm not down on my school or anything. I just think that education in general matters a whole lot more than what the school's colors are or how your team does. Professionally, I don't know that I would be proud even if our test scores shot up. And our graduation rate. Relieved, certainly. And delighted, of course. But I'd more be curious to see if we could pinpoint the reasons for it, and I'd want to see what we could learn about what's working, and how we can improve even further.

School pride seems incredibly comparative, and I just really don't care. I don't care if we "beat" other schools. In fact, I don't particularly want to. I want all schools to excel. Including ours, of course! I want all STUDENTS to succeed, even if they don't go to my school.

I'm frustrated. My planning period was cut short because of homeroom AND the pep rally, and I barely had time to sort my yearbook payments. I didn't get to write a single receipt.

Good Habits - August 17

Well, I did NOT go for my walk after school yesterday - I spent too much time talking to other teachers about the first day! hahaha. OTOH I did spend a solid near-two-hours working up a sweat at bellydance. I figure that should count.

I brushed my teeth before bed. I did NOT eat an extra Oreo truffle as a snack. I didn't eat very many greens yesterday though... the green beans in lunch were crunchy, and I don't like them that way, so I only had a couple of bites. :P

Haven't yet brushed my teeth this morning, but I figure that's okay because it's four-frickin' thirty. I figure I'll be ok on half a night's sleep so long as we come straight home and I take a nap. I stayed up until past midnight because after I came home from class I worked on a flier for the upcoming hafla.

I woke up from a bad dream. I was having some extra symptoms - don't remember what - and all these doctors were people I didn't know and they kept saying they weren't sure what was going on but they wanted to do another test and here's a referral to someone who will do it. Then THAT doctor would say the same thing and give me a NEW referral to a NEW doctor and I'd have to find my way to wherever THAT office was... actually very similar to the start of my issues lately, only more so. And VERY frustrating.

But perhaps it was residual frustration because last night I actually went LOOKING for the unit plans I had written out for my photojournalism class and I just could NOT find them. I was - and in fact I still am - SO MAD. I mean, these are GOOD. And... I just have no idea. Spiral-bound notebook, toward the beginning... I've looked through all the notebooks I can find and they're not in any of them.

AURGH!