Children's Classics

Author Mitali Perkins has asked, "When it comes to race, ethnicity, gender, and class, what stands the test of time?"

I did not get to read the first book in the series, Emily of Deep Valley, until just this week. The library had a copy of the original printing from 1950 in storage. Kind of distressing, because I really enjoyed it. I hope they get a new copy, because I do think this is a timeless classic.

And this is coming from someone who has tried the Betsy-Tacy books and not particularly enjoyed them. I mean, they weren't throw-the-book-across-the-room bad or anything. I can appreciate them; I think they're well-crafted. But I started at least two or three of them and didn't finish any. I just lost interest.

So.

Race - Tangent: I actually spoke to one of my students about this today. I heard a group of them talking about a fight (don't they always?) and one of them referred to "that black kid." And I'm just like... no. Not cool. So I called that student over and quietly said, "David, I'd like to ask you not to refer to people by their race. It makes me very uncomfortable, and I don't like it." So of course he tries to explain to me why it's NOT racist, and how none of his black friends have complained about it. And I said, "I'm not talking about them - I'm talking about ME. I know that I would be unhappy if people always referred to me as 'that white teacher.' It makes ME uncomfortable, so I'm asking you to stop." And (hurray!) I have a good relationship with this student he was okay with that.

Now, I know this student wasn't being ugly in what he said. But I know that it's easy to confuse not-intentionally-racist with just-not-thinking. And that it's important to think before speaking. Anyway.

One thing I noticed was Deep Valley's lack of racial diversity, aside from the Syrians. I wondered - a little - if race as well as nationality made them targets; I don't think so. The sticking points seemed to be their non-standard English and accents, and their foreign names & customs. But at the same time, LOOKING so different kind of makes it that much more obvious.

Ethnicity - this, I felt, was more the issue. One thing I haven't seen anyone mention in the reviews Ms. Perkins linked was how smoothly and seamlessly Kalil becomes Charley. That caught me off guard.

Gender - I thought this book had a LOT to say about gender. There was the grandfather's complete obliviousness to the possibility of post-secondary education for women. I believe it's written particularly well, because it's understandable even though I think - I hope - it's completely foreign.

I really appreciated the exploration of different types of romantic love. I liked that while Emily had multiple love interests - first of all, she isn't demonized for it - and second, they're not presented to the reader as competing. I'm putting this badly, because in one way they were competing with each other; it's the "Team Edward/Team Jacob" thing I find tiresome.

Emily has a LOT of agency. I really appreciated that. She has her own problems, she faces them, and she DOES something about them. I liked that a whole bunch.

Of course, she also does a lot of waiting-around-for-the-boy. There's still some of that around - goodness knows I see it with my students - but I don't think it's so pervasive.

And finally - I did not see class as a significant theme in this book. I would love to hear others' thoughts on the matter.

I did enjoy the specific details - the "new-fangled" fountain pen, for example - but I wondered how much of that was because the book was published in 1950. I don't remember quite the same level of detail in books by Montgomery or Alcott.

Like today!

So I woke up at 5:15 and I tried to get back to sleep but I just couldn't. Stuffy nose, cramped calves... yeah. Not workin'. So around 5:40 I got up. Figured I'd get some WoW in before it was time to get ready for work. Not much - just a little - because on Tuesdays they do maintenance from 6 AM to about 1 or 2 in the afternoon.

And don't you know I had to download a patch. Not a big one - just wee - but just enough that it wrapped up at 5:58, which gave me just enough time to log in and open ONE of the auction sales in my mailbox before I got booted off the server.

AND THERE IS MORE MONEY WAITING FOR ME ON THERE! WAAAAH!

Grr, I say!

I am SUCH a miser, too. Not RL - though I am stingy, it's more from a sense of being choosy about what I want to spend money on - but man, in WoW? When there's not a whole lot you can buy that really matters? I love having gold. Getting gold. Seeing the numbers by the little gold indicator in my bag increase... yay!

I feel like Prince John in Disney's Robin Hood:

Gold, gold, GOLD!

So, Yeah.

I hope that having cancer hasn't turned me into a spoiled brat.

Lemme 'splain.

When people hear that I have cancer, they offer support and encouragement. [Side note: I think I am probably cancer-free at this point, but as I'm still going through treatment, I'm not going to split too many hairs. Anyway.] And they buy me things. And they listen. My God, do they listen.

And it's soooo easy to get - well - taken in. It's like I have this free pass that says, "I Have Cancer: Give Me What I Want!"

Good Habits - November 13

So yeah. The reason my fingers and feet feel so weird is also because of the chemo. *sigh* It's called "peripheral neuropathy." I am SO GLAD next session is my last. I'm going to get another bottle of my daily multivitamin (cuz there is only one lonely ill gummy left!) and Imonna pick up some B6 and B12 too because they may help.

The creepy thing about this is that based on what I'm reading, it may not go away. :( Some people wind up with permanent nerve damage. EFF. I'm pretty hopeful, though, because I don't have any of the other risk factors. Also, it kind of comes and goes. Right now my index and middle fingers are worst, and my pinky fingers are almost fine. Also it's just the tips.

Plan for today is to play WoW this morning, maybe nap later since I woke up sooo early, go to the Indian restaurant for lunch, pick up any groceries we need (we're also out of salad fixins but I don't know if I want more since we'll be leaving Wednesday for NCTE) and then visit friends and play games this afternoon/evening. I think I want to bring Taboo. My favorite part is holding the buzzer. Except I kind of wore it out. I do have this nifty little desk-bell, though. It is REALLY LOUD... >;) hahahaha...

Fun times... ^.^

Good Habits - November 10

McD's again today. After Papa John's last night and Arby's for lunch. *sigh* But it tastes SO GOOD. Oh well.

Today's prompt is: Discuss an important personal relationship you have had and explain how it has changed your life.

Well, the obvious choice is my husband. I've written about the Hunk before. I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that he renewed my faith in humanity - or at least in the other half! He is incredibly patient and ... easygoing? It's not "cheerful" so much as almost always content. It is good to be around him because he's almost always in a good mood.

He is a one-on-one parapro, and this year his student is a freshman, so he's now at the same school I am. I love getting to ride to school with him. If I'm having a rough day I can go and get a hug during lunch. It's pretty awesome.

It is hard to know the full extent of his influence on my life, because I really can't imagine my life (as it is now) without him. I probably wouldn't live in this part of the country. I might not even be a teacher.

Doctor's appointment today. Need to fill out my professional leave form for Friday's field trip. Parent calls after school tomorrow. Doctor's appointment Monday. I don't know WHEN I can get my blood work done... *sigh* maybe I can put it off until Tuesday, especially since I'm pushing my last chemo treatment back a few days too.

Good Habits - November 8

Today's prompt is: What is your favorite word, and why?

Since we're freewriting, I'm going to say that right now I can't think of a favorite word. One that came to mind was antediluvian. I like it because it's much more common to have "anti-" as a prefix, and it's "ante-".

I spent a lot of time over the weekend playing WoW. I got to talk to a GM about not being able to use primary professions and the GM I talked to was able to fix the problem - yay! so I leveled tailoring almost a hundred points yesterday. But more significantly (not that THAT'S saying much) I spent some time thinking about the interplay between story and mechanics in MMOs.

Like death. In WoW, death is nothing more than a temporary inconvenience. If your character is killed, you have to spend time moving its spirit back to its body before it can interact with the game world again. But that's not reflected in the story within the game: characters apparently die only once. And that is different from the mechanics with NPCs: NPCs, whether they are alive or dead, tend to stay that way. Sick characters can be revived, but it's only temporary, as the game is static.

The Hunk mentioned a game that was in development that was planning to incorporate permadeath. As in, each character has a certain amount of "lives," but once those are used up, the player can't revive that character ever again.

My fingers are tired and I'm sure I've met my word count. Neener!

Good Habits - November 4

So I fixed oatmeal for breakfast and I brushed my teeth. Everything was going well up until the senior group photo. THEY WERE AWFUL. Ugh. Worst group photo I've ever supervised. Good gravy. So then when my second-block students had leftover junk food from another class I made a bit of a pig of myself. Tasty, though.

Today's prompt is Sartre said "Hell is other people," while Streisand sang, "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world." Which is right? Why?

This is supposed to be a prompt for a college application essay. I figure colleges want to hear you say that you agree with Streisand. They don't want students who are misanthropic because you're going to be around people all the time and if you're miserable it might make the other paying customers unhappy and less likely to continue paying. So insert some blather here about how everyone needs community. Oo, a good place to reference Donne's "No Man Is An Island" schpiel.

It looks like they're finishing up - by the time I get the writing prompt up and then they start writing and I take attendance and put that in the computer as well as in my notebook and check for SSR books and ask those who don't have them about them well ZOOM... it's very nearly time to quit writing anyway.

Hope to dance tonight.

Good Habits - November 2

I'm not dead. Sometimes it seems like it, with as much as I've been sleeping lately. As ridiculous as it sounds, I'm tired of sleeping. :P

I think I've finally started to find out what it feels like to be a cancer patient. Yesterday and the day before were ... enlightening. Walking across the room left me glad to drop into a chair. Going down the hall to another classroom required a plan - no stopping along the way in case I couldn't muster enough willpower to get moving again.

But I accomplished everything I'd wanted to yesterday. AND MORE. I even found the ad binder. And today I feel more alert and my fingers are less puffy. Can't quite tell about my feet but I'm kind of hopeful that the swelling has gone down there as well.

Got my fingers crossed to do the whole day at school today and then dance tonight. We'll see...

Good Habits - October 15

I am so frustrated. I woke up early this morning - four goddamn thirty - and couldn't get back to sleep. So slightly after five I thought, wtf, I'll just get up and soak in the tub for awhile. At least it'll be restful. So I turned the faucet to just below scalding and let the tub start to fill.

However.

SOMEHOW our hot-water-tank-thing is fucked up. Because when I went back and brushed my fingers through the water, it was ... mild. Hm, I thought as I got in, I'll need to fill it the rest of the way with straight-hot.

Of course my hand LIED to me, because when your skin gets wet and then is out in the air it feels a lot fucking colder. Grrr.

Also? the hot water? Not hot.

So, whatever. Everything sucks. I didn't get my nice soak, God only knows when the damn supplement is coming in, I hate nameplates, students are going to bitch about mistakes and ... I don't fucking care - get over yourself. You know? I don't need the five bucks that damn badly. It is NOT worth it.

Fuck.

Good Habits - October 14

I don't know how "good" my habits are; we ate breakfast at McDonald's AGAIN today. Two days in a row. :( It's so hard NOT to, despite that it's a money sink and really not good for us.

Because we're on the A/B schedule, the writing prompt is the same today as it was yesterday. But after they finish filling their pages they're turning in their meeting work and I need to check that off. But also I should be writing. Right? *sigh*

Annnnd the two-gig camera card I ordered is the wrong shape for our camera. *SIGH* And I seem to be missing one of the black cameras. Eff. Emm. Ell. I really need to get a sign-out log for the cameras, and I need to start having students sign out for Journalism too. I'm so tired of EVERYTHING. Dammit.

I think I'm going to take a half-day today. I need to call and make sure I have someone to cover my last class.

WHERE is my binder for this class?! I just HAD it! Oh. It's right where all the binders are - apparently I didn't get it out yet.

Overall I'm VERY pleased; I only had like four students who hadn't completed their work for today's discussion!

Time to get started observing discussions! woot.

Good Habits - October 13

So I kind of got spoiled last week when I was on fall break. I said, "hey, it's fall break! I'm going to take a break!" And I had forgotten how much I like not writing! So... it's going to take some extra self-discipline to get started again. :P

Anyway. Today I have my Journalism students responding to a couple of quotes in their writers' notebooks:

An error does not become truth because many people speak it, nor does truth become error because nobody sees it.
- Mohandas Gandhi

A lie told often enough becomes the truth.
- Vladimir Lenin

Obviously, the latter statement means more that a lie told often enough becomes accepted as the truth. That's what I think, anyway. Or, because language is mutable, in some cases an obvious lie, told often enough, loses so much power that it code-switches to the truth. Like when oppressed groups "reclaim" insulting words.

I also find it intriguing that 'error' is used in the translation of Gandhi's quote, but 'lie' is the word in Lenin's. I don't speak Russian or Hindi, so I don't have a way to find out - at least not right now - but it does make me curious what the original words were and what connotations they had.

I am a little grumpy today because I called the pharmacy and they STILL did not have the prescription for me. I called the doctor YESTERDAY and they said they'd have it in YESTERDAY and now it is TODAY and my mouth feels so gross. And it's all back in my throat and around and under my tongue and... BLECHH! Actually I think it's more than a LITTLE grumpy right now. I hate this. I hate this so much. And the medicine better not taste as awful as it did last time. Ooo, that sucked. GRRRR.

We did get our phones last night. I've been trying to log in to the EC Ning but the damn ning won't let me. It keeps saying my password is wrong. I've tried to reset it TWICE SO FAR but when I type in the new password (after resetting it) I still get the message that it's wrong. WTF, people?!

FML.

Good Habits - October 9

Ugh. Almost time to head back to school. I still need to type up my script rubric for our next unit. I did get the performance rubric created - yey!

Hot flashes have started. They're really not all that bad - interesting more than anything. I do sometimes wake up and kick the covers off, but I can live with that. :) The best part is no more period! YAY! Which MEANS no more need for contraception. YAY!

I really don't know that I have anything else to write about. Going walking again this morning. Had some breakfast. Took my anti-nausea meds. Eating my vitamins. Need to brush my teeth and put my sneakers on before I go.

Phone still broken. We'll get new ones today.

Good Habits - October 8

So I'm beginning to feel ... ambivalent, let's say, about the Disney Princess Half-Marathon. It just seems like it's putting a LOT of money into doing something I really don't enjoy. I'm going to keep training, but I just don't know about the actual RACE. The event as a whole benefits the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, but I can't tell if Disney actually donates some of the proceeds from the race, or if it's just a way to inform people.

I did go on a walk with Dad last night. We did two miles in juuuust over half an hour, which made me feel pretty good. I'm about to do my morning walk. I've had breakfast and I ate my vitamins. I'll brush my teeth before I go. I'm also thinking about adding some free-weight training.

There was also a community event last night that we danced at. It was pretty awesome. It was at an ex-mall that they're trying to sort of re-envision as a business & community center. There's a Komen Center in one of the offices. I think if I was going to host an event I might want to partner up with the local Rescue Mission. Maybe we could have a cooking marathon! I don't know, though. And I think with all I've gotten on, this year probably isn't the wisest choice. But I might start asking around, maybe getting some ideas for next October.

Ooo, or maybe do nails? Nothing pro, just people signing up to bring their nail polish collections and lotions and stuff. Everything would be free but we'd have a table for donations. Maybe we could also have some paid tables for salons to sell files and polishes and stuff. It could be called "Manis for the Cure" or something equally cutesy.

And I haven't finished any more of my grading. My planning has been minimal. Yesterday was pretty full, but Tuesday was travel and Wednesday was pretty much just lost. We did clean up around the house some.

I really don't have much else I want to write about. I called to refill a prescription. I'll pick that up after I get my bloodwork done. I probably ought to call the wig store to check on my benefits there & see what's going to be submitted.

Good Habits - October 1

So it's the day before fall break, and I'm taking it easy. I'm actually ready to go home and relax for a bit - never mind that I've got quite a bit of grading to do. NOT looking forward to that.

The newspaper came out today. I've already heard some complaints about it: a missing period and a miscapitalized name (JOnes). Really? Seriously, people? That's what you're noticing? No wonder you're so miserable and you want to quit. I've got news for you, though: it's not the job that's making you miserable. You're carting that load of rocks around with you everywhere you go.

I need to make sure that I reserve a TV/DVD combo for the Monday & Tuesday after fall break so's we can watch A State of Mind. I need to make sure I turn in the money for NP sales. We didn't actually MAKE any money, unfortunately. Of course, we never do. I wish they'd bring back school-wide SSR again. I bet we'd make a ton.

I don't really have much else I want to say. I'd rather read. Plus I need to keep working on my unit plans for drama.

Good Habits - September 30

Yaaaay! It's payday!

So we're in Journalism I and I have a bunch of students who have waited until the very last possible moment to contact their advertisers. Big surprise there. And they're like "but Ms. Clix, they weren't open yesterday!" Well who's had this assignment for a month?

AURGH! So. Frustrating.

And students who have waited until the very last possible moment to do their photo shoots. Seriously. WTF. I'm frustrated and tired.

Good Habits - September 28

Only two more days until payday - I think we'll make it! WOOT!

So today is definitely going to be interesting. I only got fiveish hours of sleep last night; I was ready for bed around nine but I wasn't sleepy, so I wound up puttering around for another couple of hours... putting things away, doing a little laundry, downloading photos I thought I'd show one of my teacher-friends. Worked on the costume some more. That sort of thing.

And then I was wiiiide awake at oh-dark-thirty this morning. Got up just after five. And I've got students staying after today to make up work, and I've got dance tonight so ... I might be able to take a nap if we go RIGHT home after the students finish their work and I go right to bed, but not much. Fortunately class is 6:30-7:30 tonight - I think - so it's not like I'll be out late.

It is SO easy for me to get distracted. Facebook, tooth-brushing, vitamins, grading, breakfast... just a bunch of things say "hey, don't forget about me!" And the thing is, they're things that I will forget if I'm not careful. Well, except Facebook. I don't know if you can 'forget' that since it's not really something you need to do.

Wish I could say that about grading. :P

I'm nervous about my JRL 1s. Sooo many of them have NOT turned in their photo shoots. They're to have three of them turned in by - oh! - TOMORROW. GRRR. I just know I'm going to get a bunch of photos of classes doing zilch. Like working out of the book or something. Which I guess isn't too too bad for the first time we've done this as an assignment... I dunno. Next month one of the criteria for completion is definitely going to be "activity other than reading, notes, or bookwork."

Need to do some more planning on my next unit - got a week or two left on 1984, but I don't want to get down to the wire. But that'll go over on Epic Adventures... plus I already met my word count. Yey!

Good Habits - September 27

So - yeah.

I really don't like writing these things. There's just SO MUCH going on at school that I can't just write and I'm only writing because I've told myself that I ought to and that it's good for me and I don't WANT TO WRITE DAMMIT.

But I can't go for my walk yet because I'm still charging my mp3 player. Oo, that reminds me - I need to charge my phone. Part of me says, Clix, go get the phone NOW and put it on the charger, or you'll forget. But then that interrupts my writing time. Now does that matter? Because I haven't set myself a time-goal anyway; mine's word count. Does it matter if I get to my word count all in one go or here and there? Or not? And now that I've included this little thought-process on here, maybe I'll remember to put my phone on the charger after all. I'm going to try to remember. We'll see how that goes.

And... I'm done. Of course, I haven't met my word count yet. But I don't have much else that I want to write about. I'd rather check facebook. Or gather up my library books and stack them up on the top shelf of my desk where I said I'd keep them. Of course, that space is now taken up with get-well and thinking-of-you cards. Hm.

I got a necklace today from one of my students! So thoughtful. Oo, I need to remember to take my hospital 'bracelet' off. I feel silly when I forget about it until I'm in bed and it's uncomfortable but I don't want to get up and... bleh. Anyway the necklace is a cute little breast cancer ... button ... thing on a black ribbon. It's quite darling!! I'm so delighted by it. ^.^

Also today I started putting the grommets on my Rapunzel costume. It is SOOOO nerve-wracking, let me tell you. I could feel my pulse speeding up. And I started sweating. I went to the home ec classroom and sat with the sewing teacher and hyperventilated the whole way through. I think she found it quite entertaining. ;) I'm really excited! I think the costume is going to look awesome.

And hopefully by now I've met my word count!

WOOT! I did. ^.^

Good Habits - September 25

I'm sick of poo.

Seriously. One of the things I never knew about chemo is how much my life would become about poo. Let me tell you, it is apparently hell on the digestive system. I knew I would be nauseous, but the poo? They don't tell you about the poo.

I need something stronger than Tums. I've been chomping these things down like they're frickin' M&Ms. Well, maybe not quite in those numbers. How about like Starbursts? I mean, I'm not putting a handful in my mouth at the same time and chowing down...

Then again, I really don't eat M&Ms. So maybe that's inaccurate for other reasons.

But yeah, I was up every hour or two last night to grab some more Tums and head to the potty. *sigh* Very annoying when you're so damn tired and you're also disturbing someone ELSE's sleep. Blih.

But now I'm awake, at least for a little bit. And I'm going to update Goodreads.

Good Habits - September 24

Hoo boy, I'm tired. I don't know if I even slept at all last night. Journalism just started and the prompt is "What is the most important thing you have learned from school in the last four years? Why?"

I told them that the most important thing I had learned was that work is much more pleasant when you like the people you're working with.

I've got to get the supplement printed out and get some help proofing that. I had someone offer to help and it just needs a new set of eyes. Ditto for the newspaper. I also need to call the printer and make sure we can send it Monday and get it back by Wednesday.

The Journalism students are doing bookwork. I'm SO tired.

English II is nice and quiet. They're all playing catch-up. I think after lunch I'm going to offer them a chance to get some extra credit by writing DonorsChoose thank you letters.

I feel like I'm cheating. By the time I get students settled and working on THEIR freewrites, and I take attendance and review the lesson plan, I only have a few minutes to write. So it's just kind of a jumbled bit of nothing that goes here.

Oh well. I guess kind-of-nothing is better than ACTUAL nothing, eh?

Good Habits - September 22

Back at school today. Yesterday was ... interesting. Stayed home and in bed most of the day. Kept my phone handy because I asked my Journalism Gremlins to report in.

So of course today is catchup-day. I've got a meeting during planning but we don't have enough people here for the activity we were supposed to do together. It really irritates me because it's due tomorrow, and the person who requested that we meet today isn't here! AURGH!

I have a meeting after school today and I don't think I'm going to make it. I'm ready to go home and take a nap. WHEW.

It's incredibly frustrating to hear from several colleagues in my department that they just want to play along with our current professional development. Kind of like, keep your head down and do what you've always done and hopefully you won't get reamed out for it. And I'm thinking... what about becoming a better teacher? Why NOT actually work together, like they've given us time for, instead of just doing what we've always done? Why NOT review work together rather than slogging through it alone?

Hearing my fellow teachers complain that they don't understand what our PD coordinator wants is discouraging. It wasn't that hard - (1) use data from previous years to determine which of our students may need extra help, and (2) present a student work sample to the group and then listen as the group discusses the work sample.

Not. Frikkin. Tough.

But, God, they whine worse than the teenagers! "When are we supposed to have time to dooo this?" and "I don't know why they think they know so much; I'm just gonna do what I've always done."

And I'm scared. We're working on 1984 and I have several who aren't reading at home, but won't read in class, either. I keep hearing "It's too hard!" and "It's so boring!" And I'm not entirely sure what to do. :( I wonder about giving them some questions and going online to SparkNotes together, so they at least have some idea of what's going on... but then I don't want them just using that as a substitute for the novel. I'm really just feeling lost. :(

Good Habits - September 20

Hopefully this day won't kill me.

So I'd scheduled fall sports photos for after school today. Two of the three coaches contacted me this morning and said "oops." *sigh* So, gotta reschedule those. Seniors are not showing up for their appointment times. Trying to track them down.

I just... I'm tired, and frustrated, and ANGRY. No. Maybe not angry. I think "resentful" is more accurate. When seniors just come into the middle of class and say "I didn't sign up for retakes." And I'm not just frustrated with them. I scheduled all the seniors I didn't have listed, and then last week I sent out an email to all teachers saying "if you have ANY of these students, please remind them of their scheduled times."

Sometimes I wonder why I bother. *sigh*

Good Habits - September 19

Boy, am I counting down the days until September is OVER. I don't know that we've ever felt as squeezed as we have this month. But payday will be on the 30th, and hopefully next month won't surprise us with more thousand-dollar-plus bills. (I'm going to have to reschedule the crowns for November so we can save up.)

Today I am TIRED, too. And I don't have much that I want to do... I did eat my vitamins and go for a walk this morning. I stayed on the lower loop and ran a half-lap, walked a lap and a half, ran a half-lap, walked a lap and a half, ran a half-lap, walked the next half-lap and then walked home again.

Well apparently I have NO running stamina. I always feel like I can walk ALLLL day, but unfortunately, that's apparently not going to cut it come time for the half-marathon. And it takes everything I've got to finish the half-lap. Well, nearly. I can still keep going with a walk afterward; don't have to sit down or anything. But I'm not even running fast! And it's ... maybe, maybe 300 yards. Not even once around the track. It feels kind of pathetic, to be honest. :(

I had a pancake for lunch. Leftovers from IHOP yesterday. What I found out is that if you want to bring pancakes home? Ask for them without butter. The butter makes them stick together and then they don't come apart and you get pancake-gobs instead of pancakes. The ones at the bottom of the stack came apart quite nicely, though.

But I ate the gobby one and it was still quite tasty!

ETA: Almost forgot - it looks like the Terrible Bleeding has stopped. Maybe for good! My face felt a little warm yesterday and the Hunk said it looked quite red. Perhaps my very first hot flash! Or not - I've been keeping a bottle of water by the bed at night because I've noticed that I wake up super-dry... my mouth feels pasty (though not like before) and my eyelids don't want to open. All sticky. I wonder if I've been sweating at night.

Good Habits - September 18

So yesterday I had chemo. My sub came in early (!!) so I had lots of time to set things up before I left, because I could leave the room for a few seconds to make photocopies or slip papers into mailboxes. That was pretty awesome.

I hadn't been sleeping well the past few nights. Our neighbor has a bunch of dogs that like to bark at 4 AM. Grrr. So in chemo I pulled the recliner back and took a nap for a good hour or so. Plus they had sandwiches out. I would've had a soda, but the Hunk wasn't entirely convinced that the sodas in the fridge were for us to enjoy. :P

After chemo we went to the not-a-mall and I walked laps. Wasn't too bad. After an hour I was ready to stop, though, so we came home. I ate AGAIN and then went to bed. I think I was in bed by ten.

Which of course meant that today I was up early. My body doesn't like to sleep in, particularly if it's had anything close to a full night's sleep (this is why the dogs are SO annoying; if they barked at midnight or 1 I could get back to sleep easily). But apparently either I was really tired or they didn't bark so much; I didn't get up until almost 7. Dad came over and we went to the park for a walk/jog. Mostly walking, though. Then he took us out to IHOP, and then we came home and I went to bed again.

And it's only Saturday. I'm starting to get nervous about Monday: fall retakes, senior retakes, fall sports photos after school, also an engagement reception / wedding shower thing, and then open house!

I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Good Habits - September 16

I hate going to the dentist.

And We'll Have Fun, Fun, Fun...

... 'til they take me out of ISI!

ISI stands for In-School Isolation. It is my absolutely favorite duty, and I am NOT being sarcastic. What I love about it is that it's an hour of nearly-uninterrupted peace and quiet. I've got probably about forty students in here - the group was so large that they moved it from a classroom to the auditorium - and other than a few flareups and the occasional reminder to keep feet down or to quit talking, things have been pretty ... well, FUN!

I know. I'm a terrible person. But good gravy, kiddoes! Just wear jeans that don't have holes all through them. You've known for over a month what the dress code is. So quitcher b*chin and just SIT. Mwahahaha!

Seriously. This is more peaceful than my classroom during my planning period. Granted, I have to keep my eyes open and look around a good bit. But I got all my emails sent out to the club sponsors. I didn't get my grading finished, but it's at least started. My department cohorts keep coming in... dunno if it's to check on me or on my lovely little Gremlins.

It just seems so hilarious, because they complain SOOOO much about how much work we have in class. And then in here, where quite often teachers haven't yet been informed (so there's nothing to do) they're just MISERABLE.

Good Habits - September 15

So it sounds like I am losing one of my seniors. Her dad kicked her out and she has had to go and live with her mom in Atlanta. I'm pretty bummed. And tired. And frustrated.

And I'm a little angry with my students. I had them working in groups and gave them a small, simple task and it took three times as long as I had allotted for it. Well, for SOME groups. But I figured I gave extra time and they just dawdled and chatted their way through it. Oooo, it steamed me.

Also? I have a student who wasn't here when we started. I handed him a copy of the book we're reading as a class. Twenty minutes later, he can't find it. WTF? He's like "someone musta took it off my desk." Well, now, who was supposed to be keeping track of that book, kiddo?

If I find out that I am being shorted books, group work will be OVER. There will BE no discussion. We will work in class each day and that will be ALL. We'll do grammar work for homework and I will have peace and quiet because they will be reading silently during the day. There will be NO signouts. AT ALL EVER.

Okay, so maybe it's gotten a bit past "a little angry."

Grrrr...

And I haven't made my word count yet. But there's still so much to do. You know, I kind of hope they're losing books. Because then I get more time to do MY work. Heh heh heh...

Good Habits - September 14

Ahhhh... I forgot what I love about the 1984 unit: the peace and quiet of work days! ^.^ I'm always nervous for the first few days of it, though, before the students get the hang of the work.

I feel like I ought to have another planning period after this. :P When I have first period planning I don't seem to get anything done. Darnit! And now I feel like instead of writing I should be doing something "useful." Like grading. Or putting grades IN. Or marking notebooks. Or SOMETHING. You know?

And I'd like to go home and go to bed. To BED.

I've got soooo many post-drafts over at Epic Adventures. Nobody's commented on my latest one. Makes me wonder if nobody cares about whether firing teachers is a good idea or not, or if I'm saying things that everybody has heard somewhere else.

Right now I'm just marking time with my wrods. I wonder how many of my students are actually understanding what they read. They're so docile... they're at least pretending to read the book. We'll see. I don't have the oomph left in me to push them at the moment. Plus ... I feel like since we're just starting I've given them instruction and guidance, and now I need to see what they can do. But it makes me nervous!!

I have dance again tonight. We'll be starting a new choreography. I hope it isn't too difficult. I've seen it several times, and I know the music, so maybe that will help.

Ooo, I hate this whole packing-up-early thing. At least they don't line up at the door. And it's only one minute until the bell. But it TICKS ME OFF.

There will be consequences.

Good Habits - September 13

Ugh. Today just FLEW by. I got up, had a bowl of cereal, we went to school, dropped Kit (the new truck) off at the dealership to get cruise installed, then we had dinner with Mom and Dad, then went for a walk before coming home and now it's twenty of nine at night! WTF?!

So now I'm going to run my WoW daily and then soak in the tub (it was a four-mile walk, okay?) and then go to bed.

And DAMMIT, I left my cell phone over at Mom and Dad's. The Hunk is being MEAN. He says that I should have to walk all the way there to go get it. Meanie meano! AND he grinched at me for eating an Oreo. ONE OREO!

Honestly, if he didn't make such fantastic pancakes...

Good Habits - September 12

Ugh. Well, in my defense, I've been away for two days. And I think I posted over on Epic Adventures on Thursday. Still, not the greatest.

I think I'm going to justify keeping this pretty brief because I have a st-ton of housework to do. AND grading and planning. I'm getting tired just thinking about it. :(

I've started a load of laundry and the truck is almost unloaded. I need to put clothes away and get my costumes back where they go. I should probably wash the red wig, too. I bet the black one is all a big snarl in the back, so it needs to be combed out. We've gotta go pick up Puppy from my parents' house.

My toothbrush and my vitamins are still packed away, so I'll take care of that once I get things put back where they go.

So much of my "writing" seems to be just trying to sort out everything ELSE that I have to do. I mean, it's a great way to un-jumble my thoughts... I also need to clean off my desk. And I guess this really is about just the HABIT of writing. But I dunno. Maybe it's in my nature not to be satisfied. Overall I think that's a good thing. I feel like these "this is what I need to remember to do today" posts are ... well, kind of cheating.

But at least they're something!

So, in order:

Finish unpacking the truck.
Put clothes away.
Clear off the sofa.
Clear off the desk.
Grade.
Put grades in the computer.
Wash the wig. (I did this early so it'd have lots of time to dry. It's the first time I've washed it and I don't know how long drying takes, and I have to let it dry before I can brush it.)

Good Habits - September 8

So, yeah. I think I wasn't great this morning. But I did work on some yearbook stuff. I don't really feel like writing now. I need to write the copy for the graduation page for the supplement. Will that work? Why not, say I!

So much about graduation is a tradition: the speeches, the procession, the gowns. But what makes each ceremony unique is also what makes every ceremony special: the new graduates.

On a warm, breezy May evening, 256 LaFayette High students walked into Jack King stadium as seniors for the last time. They listened to speeches from their classmates - valedictorian [name] and salutatorian [name]. Tears flowed freely as they sang the alma mater together, wrapping arms around each other's shoulders. And as so many graduates had before them, when Principal [name] said "I present the graduating class of 2010," they threw their mortarboards into the air and cheered.

"[Inspirational quote]," said [principal].

There. Nice and fluffy. Just what the administration wants. :P

*sigh*

I am suuuuch a skinflint!

Good Habits - September 7

Today is going to be another long day. There's just so much to do. I've only got ten minutes to write before it's time to leave so Imonna hafta make it fast.

Fortunately I wrote out a list last night. :) I've already had breakfast and ate my vitamins and I brushed my teeth and I'm dressed - except for the wig. I'll take that along and probably put it on in the car before we get to school. I've got a comb in my bag. Might want to grab a barrette, just in case. You know, I don't think I've typed that word... ever. I talk about my barrettes a lot but seeing the word in print is weird! Mostly that I can't find the kind I like any longer. :( It's all pinchy-clips and the metal ones that lock when they bend. Anyway.

I hope I can put off my library trip until tomorrow. There's no way it's going to happen today. And tomorrow I ALSO have the visit from our rep. UGH, so much to do for the darn book.

Need to check our balance at the bank. Gonna send the Hunk to set up a savings account with direct debit at the start of the month; there's a bank not TOO far from the wig shop.

Oh, and I unloaded the dishwasher. ^.^

AND, I also got my real-post up yesterday. So all in all, I've done pretty well. Of course, the Hunk was solo on cleaning the house before dinner last night. :P

Good Habits - September 6

I feel like such a bad person, but I haven't been back by the house since we left this morning. And I got up a couple of hours before the Hunk! Well, I guess an hour or so. Anyway, I went for my walk this morning. Brushed my teeth, took my vitamins. Breakfast was cereal.

And I am so tired. That's all I can think to write. The Hunk has cleared up the kitchen as my parents are coming for dinner. I took a nap while he went to visit his grandfather and I'm STILL tired. Didn't get yesterday's blog post written, either. It's been a very full few days. I don't feel like I've had much of a break. Then again, I've spent a lot more time in bed ... it just hasn't felt like it.

Good Habits - September 5

Briefly, because (a) it's almost time to leave for Sunday School and I'm grody from my walk and I haven't eaten breakfast, and (b) I'm planning to write a 'real' blog post later today on Epic Adventures.

I did go on a walk again this morning. So that's Friday evening, Saturday morning, Saturday evening, and now Sunday morning. My feet are tingly!

I ate my vitamins but didn't yet brush my teeth. Gonna do that after breakfast.

We need to start a new savings account and auto-debit a few hundred dollars at the start of each month. That way come January we should have enough to cover the out-of-pocket for medical expenses again.

Good Habits - September 4

Oo, I'm tired.

So we're probably going to buy a truck on Monday. We spent today driving around and looking at different low-end V8s (well, the Hunk drove, and I sat in the passenger seat and wrote yearbook receipts). We found a used on that still has a good bit of its power train warranty, so we will probably get that one.

It was really nice out today, so I went for a walk. Two, actually. I went at a little after 9 this morning and at 8 this evening. So yeah, I am pretty pooped.

And I have been achey off and on today. That annoyed me. A little bit last night, too. Very unexpected, because the past couple of days have been otherwise really good.

Also? My period is all messed up. I started up again not this past Thursday but the Thursday before, which was only three weeks after my last start date (I know because it matched my chemo schedule). And my flow has been really wonky. Last night it was really heavy and then today it slowed down again. I have no idea why that might be.

Welcome to the wonderful world of chemo, right?

I hope to God we sell 500 yearbooks. *sigh*

Good Habits - September 3

So today I brushed my teeth and washed my face when I got up, and I fixed boiled eggs and a biscuit for breakfast. And now it is second period and the quickwrite is about school spirit - what does it look like in pictures? What causes people to have (and show!) school spirit?

Honestly, I don't know the answer to the second one. I really don't have a lot of school pride. I'm not down on my school or anything. I just think that education in general matters a whole lot more than what the school's colors are or how your team does. Professionally, I don't know that I would be proud even if our test scores shot up. And our graduation rate. Relieved, certainly. And delighted, of course. But I'd more be curious to see if we could pinpoint the reasons for it, and I'd want to see what we could learn about what's working, and how we can improve even further.

School pride seems incredibly comparative, and I just really don't care. I don't care if we "beat" other schools. In fact, I don't particularly want to. I want all schools to excel. Including ours, of course! I want all STUDENTS to succeed, even if they don't go to my school.

I'm frustrated. My planning period was cut short because of homeroom AND the pep rally, and I barely had time to sort my yearbook payments. I didn't get to write a single receipt.

Good Habits - September 2

So now we're in second period theoretically working on yearbook pages. Ads are due tomorrow. Beats are due tomorrow.

I need to make sure that I get stamps this afternoon. I need to turn in money to the office. I need to call the insurance people to find out about our cars. I need to check and see who else is going to be coming with me to the NCTE convention. And I need to find out what papers I need to file for here. And I need to fill out my doctor's appointment note for my next chemo thing.

And it looks like I'll have ad contracts to fax! yay!

My tummy hurts.

Now I'm on lunch and planning and I need to ... YAY! We already paid our insurance bill! EEE :D

I had two classes where they did a fifteen-minute freewrite. And you see how much writing I got done. AURGH.

I still need to find my lesson plans - my black clipboard is missing and that's very frustrating. I just yesterday realized that I've got two classes of English and there's only ONE class set of 1984, so I don't know WHAT I'm going to do. :( I'm going to check the library, first of all... then I think I'll offer extra credit to anyone who can get a copy on their own. Maybe. I dunno.

Good Habits - September 1

Brushed my teeth. Ate breakfast - and NOT McDonald's! And now I'm writing. I was okay this morning but now I'm tired again. We worked on the computers for the first time during Journalism I and it was just ... gah. Troubleshooting is a pain in the butt.

They're writing about their favorite fictional character. Sometimes I wonder why I bother to give them a topic. I mean, if I think about it I remember that I really do have a reason for the topics I choose and ... ugh. Phone.

But right now, when my throat feels rough and my knees and my jaw ache and I feel like I've been on my feet for ten hours, even though it's only been like two... it all seems like a waste of time.

I'll make it through the day without too much more trouble. They're reading aloud from children's books. it's nice. All I have to do is sit and listen! Unfortunately I can't find my clipboard. That kind of sucks. I need to call our car insurance and ask if we can have the green car taken off. We may need to do a complete switcheroo, but we'll have to see. *sigh*

*sigh* What part of "payment accepted before or after school" is so challenging? Seriously, people. I get tired of it.

Not everyone got to read their kids' books. But it was more than half the class, which is good.

I'm SO ready to go home and sleep some more. It's annoying to be so tired. I'll make it okay, but it's just frustrating. Everything takes more planning because I've got less time in which to get my stuff done.

Also? Still no answer from the insurance place. Seriously - wtf?

Today after school I need to write up a bunch of receipts. Hopefully by the time I get done with that I'll be able to go home.

Good Habits - August 31

So photo day is finally over. I don't have a lot to say about it. It didn't take as long as I'd figured. I have a student that is apparently very impressed by my ability to type fast. We got done early enough that I don't have anything for us to do. I'm so ready to go home. And maybe take a nap. Napping sounds good.

Everything is paperwork.

And now we're finally on afternoon announcements! Hurray!

Good Habits - August 30

So today has been hectic. Right now we're reading silently (kids' books). Somehow I got all the way to 4th block and it feels like I've barely had time to blink. I'm SO ready to go home and take a nap. I need to call the doctor to see if they can send the request for my shot over to the ER so I can get it a little later.

I am petrified about photo day tomorrow.

I need to create a sign-up sheet for seniors. And I need to schedule candids. Couldn't get through earlier because the photo place is on Central time. :P My plan period ended before they opened.

I'm tired and ... tired. I don't want to go get a shot. :(

I don't have a whole lot else to say. Or write.

To Do

Songs to get: El Fen, 21st-Century Gypsy, When You're Evil, Zina. I wonder if P will let me borrow/have his bowler? Do this today. Done!

I have GOT to request the gym for Tuesday. Need to give the form to the office but also let the phys ed dept chair know. I think I can get by without a sub; since we're still on blocks, I've got English, JRL2, plan, and JRL1. And that first block won't be released to the gym until after announcements, so I can meet my class in the room, have them write down their first assignment, and then head to the gym, having them bring their stuff. I think they'll learn more with me in the gym than without me in the room. Do this ... well, I'll send the email today, but I need to stop by on Monday.

Need to let the church food-helpers know that we can take another few casseroles... it's just that with only two of us, it takes forever to finish off something as big as they sent last time! Maybe we can invite Mom and Dad over, lol! Do this Sunday, for obvious reasons.

I really need to sit down and plan out my JRL 1 lessons more coherently. I still feel like I'm flying blind with that class. I think I'm going to take my notebook to the workshops today and do some thinking during our down-time. Do this today. Tried. Don't know what I'm doing. EMAIL REBECCA! HELP!

Need to pester teachers to GET ME THEIR ROSTERS. Dangit. Do this tonight.

Need to pay medical bills. UGH. It's just a matter of sitting down and DOING it, but gah, that's so tedious. Maybe if the Hunk loads the dishwasher while I do it I won't grouch about it so much ;D (his handwriting is hard to read, so I get to do all the checks). Let me tell you, I am SO GLAD we have decent insurance. At this point, I'm fairly sure that we're getting out more than we've put in. Do this tonight. Need to get some one-cent stamps!

Need to respond to the writers' notebooks that were turned in. And come up with alternate assignments for the slackers who couldn't produce a frickin' composition book in TWO WEEKS, but ALSO did not come to me before or after school to let me know that it might be a problem. Do this Sunday. Need to conference with students. Check Monday's lesson plans!

Need, need, NEED to send my rosters to the media center to make sure we're clear to get online. Do this today.

Plan out how to do the stupid ID cards and have that ready for 4th.
Call Joe M back about cross-country and cheerleading. MONDAY.
Find out WTF is up with football. Check with Coach Suttle.
Get lists of who has which planning from the office. MONDAY
Get a list of student names to plan out photo day. MONDAY
Get in touch with Rebecca. Still need info about contract. Not happy. Find out about a possible plant trip. What WOULD we be looking for in a workshop?
Send rosters to library. Can my students get online YET? Grh.
Call subs for next chemo.

That feels pretty good!

Good Habits - August 28

So now I figured out why I've been so pooped - it's because I haven't had enough PARTY!

I had soooo much fun at the hafla last night. I told the other English teachers we were having a post-chemo get-together. We met up in the parking lot of a church... and then walked across the street to the dance studio I go to! ;D They had nooo clue! I'd set up a workshop ahead of the hafla and my instructor walked everyone through some basic moves... and some not-so-basic moves! There was lots and lots of giggling. I'd brought some coin scarves and fringe belts (lots of purple, of course) and everyone got to pick through. "Like playing dress-up," they said! They did SUUUCH a great job. It was awesome.

Next time, for drinks? I'm bringing a case of bottled water. :P

It was WAY more down-to-earth than last Saturday's hafla, which felt much more like a performance. After the workshop, everyone just kind of hung out for awhile, then our host went over to the CD player and said, "hey, what's everyone want to dance to?" and just made up a playlist based on requests. We didn't have coordinated costumes - I danced in jeans, which is probably part of why I sweated sooo much - and most of us hadn't brought props, so there was lots of sharing and borrowing. It was just very low-key.

Not much to say about this morning. There's more workshops today but I don't feel like rushing. Mom's coming by to pick me up (the car should be ready Monday or Tuesday) and then we're gonna go!

After next session, I will be HALF WAY DONE WITH CHEMO! Yaaay!

Good Habits - August 27

God, what a day already. I woke up well before the alarm went off and I'm TIRED. Again. Already. I did brush my teeth (yayme) but we also went by McDonald's (bad). There's too much going on and I'm constantly feeling stupid.

Like last night. We went out to eat and it... well, it wasn't horrible, but we were neglected and the food was just okay. I don't think we'll be going back; there's better places. Many of them around here! :) But then I was tired and crabby - oh, they also auto-included our tip on the bill & that was kind of icing on the crapcake - and I didn't feel like going to dance, but I asked the Hunk to take me and that kind of made it better. So we're driving to class and I realize that I don't remember taking my laptop in from the car after dinner. And I look around. And I don't see it IN the car, either.

F.

In fact, perhaps even FML.

AURGH! And even now, I'm writing with them and there are students who have decided that my assignments don't matter. Little pishers! "Fill the page" does NOT mean write three words per line with holes in between them. OMG-WTF-EVER.

So anyway. Fortunately we were able to call the restaurant. Asked them about the laptop, said we'd just been there, they asked, "Oh! Are you the ones who were reading?" So we did get a bit of a laugh out of that. The Hunk dropped me off at dance and then went back to get my computer. He is so amazing. I don't deserve anybody that wonderful.

Lately dance class has been ... invigorating, certainly. But it leaves me feeling stupid. I suck at remembering choreography - I just can't GET it the way everyone else seems to. It's like four weeks into a seven-week class and I'm still muddling through the very beginning. I feel unbelievably incompetent. It sucks.

Then this morning. Ready to go, we get in the car, and she's giving us trouble shifting. Agatha, come ON! We just had her in the shop in... July, I think. So we get down to the second stop sign and she WILL NOT go into first gear. We finally managed to get her into reverse and drove in reverse back that block and back into our driveway. I am SO GLAD my parents had moved to the area or we would've missed the whole day. Ugh.

GAH! I wrote this on Friday but I'm not posting it until Saturday. Tells you what kind of day it was :P

Good Habits - August 26

So some of the comments on an EC Ning post brought up some really painful memories. We live in the Deep South, and while back north of the Mason-Dixon line I was slightly right of the area's center, here I am apparently a liberal heathen. For the most part, I just suck it up and soldier on, because I don't know how to do otherwise with any grace.

I would hope that, if I were an area where my views weren't on the fringe, I would still retain an awareness that there are those to whom they seem preposterous. I know that I don't understand, for example, what it means to be ... racially oppressed, I guess, comes the closest to what I mean. I've lived in places where I was a racial minority, but even there being white meant privilege.

I'm not apologizing for it. I am who I am, and if it's not something I can change, I'm not going to waste time moping about it. Privilege is awfully nice. It's nice to feel valued. It's nice to truly believe that what you say, or do, really matters. It's nice to have agency.

Tangent: haven't heard back yet from the salon where I ordered my purple wig. I really really really hope it comes in today or tomorrow! I sooo want to wear it for the hafla tomorrow night!

Back to the point: There are many ways in which I'm privileged. Most of them, in fact. But one instance in which I've missed it is in being female in a subtly patriarchal culture. In this area, it is taken for granted that women are supposed to want marriage and children. It is taken for granted that men are the primary breadwinners, and that a woman's work outside the home is secondary to her role as primary caregiver. It astounds and horrifies me that people (can) say that as a wife, the only decisions I should make are those that my husband delegates to me.

Other than that, I love living where I do.

I am absolutely overwhelmed with the revamping plus having three preps at once. I feel like I'm always behind. I'm always tired - not physically exhausted, or sleepy, just tired. It's not too bad. But there's always an undercurrent of stress. There is just SO MUCH to do. I don't have a sub for tomorrow. I spent most of my planning time calling and leaving the same damn message. It was incredibly frustrating, because there is so much other stuff to do. AURGH! Photo day is coming up and I'm scared because we've got a new photography company and I don't know quite what to expect.

And Pipsqueak is not working. ONCE AGAIN! I get so tired of this crap. It's absolutely ridiculous. So do I NOT write and just go police the room? Or do I write with them, which is what everyone says I should be doing? The quickwrite I assigned them was about their ideal day. Pip was also supposed to come by yesterday for detention and did NOT. So I guess I get to write him up. Woo.

My ideal day would be one in which I woke up and found that everything had been arranged already. Photo shoots had already been scheduled, the whole way through the year. Lesson plans were all transferred over onto the inconvenient form that our administration makes us use. All of the messages left for me with questions about senior portrait retakes had already been answered. All my announcements had been turned in to the front office. All of our ads had been sold for both the newspaper and the yearbook. All students had ordered and paid for a book and had already received their receipts. All of the students in my classes had completed their homework and turned it in and it was already graded.

"Overwhelmed" only BEGINS to describe it. I don't particularly want to go to bellydance tonight. Right now I just want to go home and vegetate. I want to tell this class to just read for the entire period. I don't want to bother with lesson planning. I'm tired of students trying to squeeze two extra minutes - the pass says you're excused at 1:45, kiddo, I'll let you out of the room when the clock says 1:45 and not a moment before.

Some days make me wonder...

Good Habits - August 25

So every class begins with a quickwrite. And I'm supposed to write along with them. Does that mean I'm supposed to write for the first 10 minutes of every class period? That's an AWFUL lot of writing. Plus also I'm supposed to do attendance during that time and make sure the door is locked and my lesson plans are posted and whatnot.

I'm perpetually tired. I'm definitely not looking forward to chemo on Friday. Right now I'm just feeling overwhelmed with everything I'm supposed to be remembering to do. I also need to contact the cheer, football, and cross-country coaches about times for their meets and I don't even know who they are. *sigh*

Today in Journalism II we are going to plan out our yearbook pages, contact our advertisers, and choose the teachers we're going to contact for beats. I need to collect writer's notebooks tomorrow and Friday. I'll have my sub pick them up during that last class and then give them to one of the teachers coming to the hafla. (They don't know it's going to be a hafla yet.)

I went for a walk in the park this evening! Plus I packed my lunch and it was a salad. I did pretty good today. I just finished up my WoW jewelcrafting daily quest, and now after I turn it in I'm gonna go soak in the tub.

Good Habits - August 23

I desperately need to do a better job of eating my veggies. Cancer is gonna make me fat. Case in point? Breakfast today: pie. Hey, I made it for dessert last night, there's only two of us, so there's leftovers. Tasty tasty.

So today we have GOT to go grocery shopping. We need salad greens (obviously), trash bags, milk, eggs, juice... I'm forgetting things, I know.

I need to call the surgeon and ask what's up with this tendon under my arm. Will it stretch out over time? Or am I stuck with limited range of movement now? I will be rather angry if the latter is the case - no one said ANYTHING about losing full use of my arm. NOT a happy cookie about that.

Still can't find my phone, though.

Oh dear. And the Hunk just said he wants to B'kow (our phrase for McDonald's). And I'm gonna get a sammitch. Because they are just SO SO GOOD! Aurgh.

I also need to call the oncologist and make sure I know when my chemo is this week so I get a sub for the right day.

And I need to plan out my Journalism stuff. I didn't do that yesterday (bad me!) but I can do it during planning today. After YET ANOTHER MEETING we'll have to sit through. Oh, and then there's ANOTHER one tomorrow. Good GRIEF.

Today after school I'd like to try to pick up my other wigs. I don't know if they'll be in or not, but I've got my fingers crossed.

And now it's time to finish getting ready!

Good Habits - August 22

Oh dear. It's already Sunday. Well, fortunately the only things I have planned are getting my head the rest of the way shaved, going out to eat, and creating lessons for Journalism I and a schedule for Journalism II. And maybe working on the list of panels I want to go to at NCTE.

No church today, though that means we will probably field some calls this afternoon. I wish I knew where my phone was.

I've been up for awhile reading blog posts and I'm going to go ahead and use one of my comments as the rest of my freewrite. So there. And then I'm going to go brush my teeth because I think I didn't. I did have breakfast - a leftover chicken strip and a roll, and a bowl of oatmeal... and a bunch of candy corn. Not my fault, though; the Hunk left them over here by the computer and they are SO TASTY!!

So I read a post on Courtney's blog about how female geeks tend to self-label, and an earlier one that it linked to. Go read those first, then come back here.

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Are you done yet?

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Okay. So this is what I said:

I'm sure I'm going to think about this more, but I wanted to go ahead and comment while it was fresh in my brain. (I got here from Courtney's link, btw.)

Labeling female groups as 'girls' tends to be less threatening than 'women.' But what I'm hearing is "oh, we don't want to upset da menz!" and I think there's a LOT more to it than that, though perhaps not consciously.

Part of it is possibly due to the dominant culture's idolization (idealization? maybe both?) of youth. It's like we're trying to balance out the black mark of being female, or saying "being female isn't bad, see? I'm young and cute and fun!"

Additionally, females in ages past had incredibly limited opportunities, and so girlhood today is in many ways about all the opportunities available to females that weren't there before. 'Girl power' stuff often clarifies this - the "girls can do anything!" idea. But as we age, we make choices. We say, "I'm going to do this instead of that." We trade out opportunity for expertise. I tend to think expertise trumps opportunity, but I don't see it being lauded the way it perhaps should be. And of course it doesn't help that expertise in women tends to be valued less than it is in men. :(

But most significantly I take issue with the idea (and I think I felt this more in Courtney's post) that self-labeling as 'girls' rather than 'women' is less subversive. I just flat-out disagree. I think the opposite is true: because the word 'girl' implies less power, it is less openly aggressive, yes. But open aggression is kind of the opposite of subversion.

In the war against privilege (particularly male privilege, in this case) girls are the scouts and spies. They can infiltrate the base and even ingratiate themselves. It is more 'womanly' to challenge a man about a privileged statement by saying "that's misogynistic and hateful;" it is more 'girly' to say "when you posted that, it made me feel bad. I wish you wouldn't."

Both tactics can be effective. And if we want to change the culture, why should we limit ourselves to one or the other?

I'm a feminist, but I prefer to be subversive. In some ways, it's easier: instead of taking a stand ahead of time, you get to bide your time until privilege rears its ugly head to you personally. Of course, there's usually not a lot of time to bide... ;)

Good Habits - August 21

I really don't feel like writing. I don't want to write. I hate this. Plus also I know that I ought to write a reflection of how my first week back at school went. So it feels like this is kind of redundant.

My hair is almost completely gone. I got my first two wigs yesterday, then we came home and hacked away at my hair until it was longish stubble, then took a straight razor to my head. It was amazing how much hair I still had when it was only an inch or two long. The back is now completely shorn and it feels amazing. I love running my hand over my naked scalp. It just loooves to be petted. Well, with the grain, anyway. Against the grain isn't painful; it just isn't as ahhhhhhh as being petted the "right" way.

The dark red wig is super-cute. We went out to eat last night and I had the best hair in the restaurant! Whee! The blonde one is probably not going to work, which is a bummer. The roots are teased to give it more volume, and as a result it's kind of an un-style-able mass. Mess? It falls in my face and if I try to pull the front sections back, it's really easy to see the false hairline.

And I also tried on Nana's wig. It is little-old-lady hair, and the tag says it's synthetic so I don't think it can be dyed. Alas, no blue hair for me unless I buy one that comes blue (I'm NOT shelling out for natural hair and then dyeing that). Anyway, I think it's adorable. It is SO FUNNY because it's very obviously a little-old-lady wig but... I don't know, I think I pull it off pretty well.

Sometime today I should hear about my other one, but it might not be in until Monday. I'm kind of hoping for today, because I'd like to wear that one to the hafla tonight if it looks good. We'll see!

Good Habits - August 20

I really don't feel like writing today.

I did brush my teeth last night. And wash my face. The blemish right below my nose seems to be mostly healed.

I am eating cereal and DAMMIT we are NOT going to McDonald's today!

I didn't go for my walk yesterday because I ended up working until 6. Now that's with a visit from a former student and eating-while-working for a bit (the Hunk went to get Chinese take-out for us). But it's also with help from the Hunk. So overall I think I got out of there a good bit faster than I would've alone.

Hopefully we'll get to pick up my wigs after I have my blood work done today. I'm also dancing at a hafla tomorrow, so I really really hope they look good. I've been excited for awhile, but now I'm also sort of nervous.

My hair has been coming out quite steadily since yesterday. Wednesday was when I first noticed it, but yesterday it started tufting. But what I was really glad about was that I talked to a lady at our school who'd been diagnosed and gone through treatment last year and she said that her arm and leg hairs came out too. And I mean, that kind of makes sense, because cytotoxic therapy attacks cell division so it really does affect ALL your hair.

Including the hair Down There, if you know what I mean. In between classes (teachers can only do what must be done at certain times, after all) I got a bit of a surprise in my drawers. I remember going, "oh my. How interesting."

The neat thing is that I've lost a lot of the sensation under my right arm since my most recent surgery. And the first time I tried to shave I just couldn't, because since I couldn't feel it I was scared I'd cut myself (because you can hardly see it, either).

So now at least that's something I won't have to worry about for three more months! Losing brows and lashes might stink but there's pencils for brows, and I've used falsies for bellydance before. Now I guess I just get more practice!

The hardest part was last night. The Hunk brushed my hair out and it felt soooo good. I mean, I just like it when he brushes my hair. It's incredibly soothing, because he's so gentle, and being touched so softly by someone who loves you so much is just amazing.

But then later he mentioned that it had been really hard for him to do and he started crying and ... I can't make it better. :( I know exactly what he means - it's this constant reminder that something really is terribly wrong.

This particular symptom is hardest because quite literally, I'm falling apart. And there's nothing he can do about it except try to encourage me and support me. The thing is, though, I already have lots of encouragement and support. I think it's starting to leak out my ears!! But it's got to be even harder for him, because I think he feels like... like somehow he doesn't have the right to be upset or frustrated or worried because he's not the one with cancer. Or no, that's not right. That he can't SHOW his frustration or worry because it might upset ME. I think that's closer.

But I told him that I figured we'd each have some down times, and I wanted him to let me be there for him, too, just like I know he's here for me.

Good Habits - August 18

We got up so late that I think I didn't brush my teeth. *sigh* And I was so hungry that I ate a bowl of cereal and STILL wanted a McDonald's sandwich.

I don't know if I'm going to meet my word count, either. I'm tired and achy, and I got a full night's sleep last night - and then some. I slept right through class I was so tired. Completely forgot about it. Slept from like 5-10 and then had dinner. Went back to bed around midnight and slept through until the second alarm. Neither of us noticed the first one at all.

Side effects growing more noticeable. There's this zingy feeling in my mouth - a faintly metallic taste, like I'm sucking on a penny. I can't taste my food as much, but it's weird because it's still very satisfying. We had pizza tonight and it was particularly good - perhaps because of the variety of textures.

And I think my hair is starting to come out. I kind of freaked out today at school when I had an itch on my scalp, I scratched, and came away with a dozen strands.

Dammit, I'm not undead! I'm not supposed to have bits and pieces of me falling off! But I shake my head and ... whee, there goes another one onto the keyboard.

Fortunately I pick up my wigs on Friday. So over the weekend I'll probably get my head shaved and on Monday come in as a redhead. I've never shorn my head before. I wonder what that'll feel like.

I reeeally miss being able to have the Hunk "crunch" me. Haven't felt comfortable with that since surgery. But my shoulder and arm are feeling so much better. Maybe in another week or so we can get back to that.

302! woot!

Good Habits - August 17

Well, I did NOT go for my walk after school yesterday - I spent too much time talking to other teachers about the first day! hahaha. OTOH I did spend a solid near-two-hours working up a sweat at bellydance. I figure that should count.

I brushed my teeth before bed. I did NOT eat an extra Oreo truffle as a snack. I didn't eat very many greens yesterday though... the green beans in lunch were crunchy, and I don't like them that way, so I only had a couple of bites. :P

Haven't yet brushed my teeth this morning, but I figure that's okay because it's four-frickin' thirty. I figure I'll be ok on half a night's sleep so long as we come straight home and I take a nap. I stayed up until past midnight because after I came home from class I worked on a flier for the upcoming hafla.

I woke up from a bad dream. I was having some extra symptoms - don't remember what - and all these doctors were people I didn't know and they kept saying they weren't sure what was going on but they wanted to do another test and here's a referral to someone who will do it. Then THAT doctor would say the same thing and give me a NEW referral to a NEW doctor and I'd have to find my way to wherever THAT office was... actually very similar to the start of my issues lately, only more so. And VERY frustrating.

But perhaps it was residual frustration because last night I actually went LOOKING for the unit plans I had written out for my photojournalism class and I just could NOT find them. I was - and in fact I still am - SO MAD. I mean, these are GOOD. And... I just have no idea. Spiral-bound notebook, toward the beginning... I've looked through all the notebooks I can find and they're not in any of them.

AURGH!

Live Chat with Mary Roach

Eeee! Mary Roach answered one of my questions during the live chat at Goodreads - She said that she did NOT vomit on the "Vomit Comet."

I like that she talks about persistence - that if you can find the reason behind the "no," sometimes you can work around it. And sometimes if you ask multiple times (presumably nicely) people will go from "no" to "yes."

Yay! She also answered (or, well, at least addressed) my question about rapid decompression. Apparently if your suit rips in space you actually have a little bit of time to get back in the ship before you die horribly! There was a movie... gosh, I can't remember the title... where the guy gets too far away from the ship and to prevent another astronaut (his wife) from sacrificing herself to save him, he pops his helmet open.

She likes Bill Bryson because he mixes information and humor.

Just so neat. Her enthusiasm for discovering new things and exploring is just ... encouraging? I'm not sure that's the word I'm looking for, but it's close. Not quite inspiring or endearing. Something along those lines.

Oo, she got to go on The Daily Show, "face spackled with the makeup (thank God)" hahaha... she got to talk to JS in makeup and as he was leaving he said "with this audience... we're gonna be talking about poop." and it made her a bit less nervous. *grin*

Good Habits - August 16

Today I'm going to go with the 15-minute writing rule as a cap, JUST IN CASE. It's the first day back with students and of course I don't want to be LATE. So at six-fifty I'm posting, whatever happens.

I realized just this morning that while I completely revamped my curriculum for Journalism I, I didn't do a darn thing to the syllabus! Oo, I need to throw my muffin wrapper away. Oops. And I should really be packing my bag up. At least I already let the puppy out to pee and put food and water in his dishes.

See, this is why I don't write. There are just too many other things to do. I don't know if I want breakfast or not. I'm just a little hungry, but I know I'm also nervous and excited, and goodness knows that if it ratchets up much farther I'm going to be glad of an empty stomach. I wonder if I have any of those white macadamia Luna bars left. Then I could take that with me and nosh on it if I calmed down.

Um.

Our dept chair texted me and said she was making something special. I bet it's Oreo truffles. Ommmm, those are SO SO GOOD! But then again, if I don't have something in me and I nosh on THOSE they'll probably send me bouncing off the walls with all that sugar!

They're made by crushing up Oreos and mixing the crumbs with cream cheese. Then you roll that mixture into little balls and dip the little balls into melted dark or white chocolate, and then finally drizzle the tops with the other color so it contrasts. MAN, they're good. I mean, I prefer cream cheese as a savory rather than a sweet, and I love 'em.

I bet I made my word count early! Let's see.

308, heck yeah!

Discipline Update & Freewrite: August 14

My husband is the most amazing man the world has ever known (with a possible exception, on principle, of Christ).

He's sleeping over there on the sofa and I just want to go wake him up for a kiss. (Again.) Because I love him so much. He is sweet and sexy and fun and just a little nerdy and a bit more goofballish and patient and kind and brilliant and charming and humble. And that's off the top of my head. If I need to add to my word count I'll just come back to this paragraph and think a little more.

Today is our wedding anniversary. (I actually was thinking "this Saturday is our wedding anniversary" and then I realized that it IS Saturday now!) Six years, and we still twinkle at each other so much that servers regularly ask us if we want to split the check.

Mostly I don't have regrets in life, but one possible one is that we were "old" before we met. I mean, not old-old, but ... there were quite a few potentially-married years there. But then maybe if we'd met earlier things would've been different... WE would've been different... and it wouldn't've worked out. Which obviously would have been WORSE. Of course, though, I wouldn't've known it was worse. I wouldn't've known what I was missing. Which is scary, kind of.

I think I've told the story before, but I'm too lazy to go search through Epic Adventures, about how we met and I flat-out told him that I wasn't interested in any kind of serious relationship. Not with anyone - even him. (I was quite content as a single girl... it was kinda fun!) Just hooking up, cuz he was sexy and fun. And sweet.

But the more I got to know him, the more my subconscious started kicking the other parts of my brain, saying DON'T BE A COMPLETE IDIOT! It's not even like he actively DID anything to try to change my mind. He was just himself, and I kept waiting to find "the snake in the cookie jar." (My exact phrase, I swear.)

It didn't take too long for me to decide that even if I found something major later on, he was still worth it. (He proposed to me less than six months after we met and it felt like I had to wait FOR FRIKKIN EVER.) That was on Valentine's Day, 2004. Exactly half a year later (six months to the day!), we got married.

If you're reading this, you probably know me already through my online persona, at least to some degree. You know I'm not a romantic. I'm thoroughly practical. It was completely a practical decision. Sometimes I feel guilty (yes, literally guilty) because I'm NOT romantic and I took the best guy out of the picture for everyone else. On a regular basis, I wince and then apologize telepathically to every other woman on the planet because... I know I don't deserve him, but he offered, and I wasn't so dumb or so altruistic that I'd say no!

I love my Hunk! Many happy returns, baby. :)

Discipline Update & Freewrite: August 13

Another minor quibble: I think the chemo has made me weak. Physically weak. Know how I can tell? I can't open my own damn med bottles! AUUURGH! hahahaha! of alll the ironies, you know?!

what's especially hilarious about this is that the ONE that I can still open easily - we got it at a different pharmacy - is my pain med. wuhu! ;D

Thing is, most of it's on like a 4ish hour cycle, so now it's just-past-2 AM and I'm awake cuz the antifungal for my thrush wore off and OW OW OW. I may also need to take some more pain meds. I haven't been on them every 4 hours, but I went to BELLYDANCE last night again, YAY!! but it's an advanced class and I think I might well need the pain meds even if I was at full health! WOOO boy, did we work. I was sore afterward but it was a good kind of sore. Stretchy-sore. My range of motion improved dramatically during class (since my latest surgery). Plus I was JUST at the dr today and he said it was okay to stretch. Plus also I was not on prescription pain med during class - just some Aleve - in part because I'm trying to wean off them, but also in part because I don't want to lose awareness and push myself TOO far. Soo yeah, a little tender right now but I think it's all good.

I was thinking earlier tonight about Queen. See, I enjoy quite a few of their songs. But there's one - "Fat-Bottomed Girls" - that has stuck in my craw for a long time. I think it's hateful. Part of that is based on a mis-heard line, but even after finding the corrected version I can't shake it. It's the line "Take me to them dirty ladies every time." Now by "dirty" they mean 'uninhibited;' the song definitely does NOT go for the 'fat=eew!' cultural archetype, which I guess is good at least.

But for the longest time I thought it was "Take me to them lonely ladies every time." And even though it's not, the implication is pretty clear - fat girls are uninhibited because they're so desperately starved for affection. The song is saying that it's great to go out with fat girls because you can get them to do "dirty" things (because they're lonely).

And the song is SO catchy and bouncy and fun-sounding... and I can't stand it anymore. And now that effect has spread to their other songs. I just... listening to even "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" or even "Bohemian Rhapsody" ... it makes me cringe. How can someone create such a happy little song with words that are so hateful? either that or be SO IGNORANT? I mean, just colossally ignorant.

I don't understand that.

Discipline Update & Freewrite: August 12

This thrush stuff? SUUUCKS. My mouth hurts SO BAD. It just stings and stings. And the magic mouthwash that the doctor gave me yesterday isn't helping all that much. Maybe it's too early but MY GOD how I want this to go away. It's like I can't even THINK about anything else. And I need to be able to think! I only have two more days of pre-plan.

Day and a half, really; my doctor's appointment got changed from this afternoon so it looks like I'm going to miss the entire frickin' morning. I will be super-grumpy if they put more meetings in. OOOo boy will I be grumpy.

I need to figure out how to use iMovie so that I can synch up a photo/text slideshow with music. I think I can do that with something called slideshare? maybe? also but I don't know how to use it and I'm running short on time.

Plus, all I can think about is OW OW OW OW my mouth hurts dammit! It's awful. It makes the thought of taking my meds even WORSE because I just don't want to swallow ANYTHING.

Please, please, please God. PLEASE. Make this go away. It hurts to eat, it hurts to talk, it hurts to smile. And I'm used to smiling a LOT.

Dammit, it even hurts to cry.

One of the other teachers at our dept meeting yesterday mentioned the ning and I was like OH COOL but then last night I had a nightmare about getting outed. Although it wasn't specific to the ning (it was about an ex tracking me down) I think that was what provoked it. I mean, I would looove for the other teachers in my dept to be active on the ning but I also really really like being pseudonymous. So. I don't know.

I am kind of planning to out myself at the NCTE conference because NOW I CAN GO!! Yes, I got permission from the admin. So. Very psyched.

And I'm sure I've met my word count, so bye!

Discipline Update & Freewrite: August 11

Today is our second day back at school. I knew I missed it but I hadn't realized how much! This is like a second home for me. It just feels so nice to walk into my classroom and begin thinking where I'm going to put my posters this year and how I can make the classroom library accessible without being in the way. My room is like a sanctuary. I love my rolly chairs and my windows. I love my computer area along the walls. I love my closet and my supply drawer. I love my little printer tables that I use for teacher desks. I love that I can have the big teacher desk set up as another computer workstation. I love the big color laserprinter. I love that I have the digital clock in the front of the room covered with a mini-poster, and I have my analog clock hanging in the back of the room. I don't love long, boring meetings, particularly when I feel my time could be used more productively.

How much longer, Papa Smurf?

*sigh*

Yesterday I was mad because I thought I left the power cords at home. Turns out they were in the classroom and just boxed up! Derh. But then today I forgot the ad sale book again. Either that or it's somewhere that I don't know where it is. I need to check the filing cabinets.

I'm SO sleepy just sitting here. I'm taking notes on the meeting to try to help me stay alert and focused but it's SO HARD. Somehow the aches aren't helping; you'd think they'd make it easier.

Discipline Update & Freewrite: August 10

Today's gross-you-out moment is brought to you by the newest affliction with which I've been... uh... afflicted: THRUSH.

No, no photos. Just trust me. This is awful.

It really ticks me off. I mean, hello, God? WTF? I have enough on my plate without giving me MORE reason to have ZERO appetite, plus extra-hurlies for anything I manage to choke down. I mean, honest. I am really pretty pissed off at the world for dumping this on me.

OTOH it is supposedly pretty easy to get rid of, so thanks be for small favors. Ugh. My tummy is just roiling. I wish they could've diagnosed this in the ER on Sunday night, because then it wouldn't've gotten this bad. UGH.

Did get to have my drain taken out today YAY! which means there will likely be some swelling BOO, but at least I won't perpetually be worrying about yanking on stitches YAY YAAAAY!

I really don't have much else I want to say. Thrush sucks, thrush sucks, thrush sucks. I'm going to do my daily jewelcrafting quest for World of Warcraft, then soak in the tub for a bit and plan out what all I'm going to do tomorrow at school, then maybe it'll be late enough that I can go to bed.

I am SO looking forward to my tomorrow's doctor appointment and getting some meds to take care of this nasty.

And I haven't met my word count, but you know what? Eff that. I don't care.

Magic Beans!

Jack was so right. Magic beans > cow. No contest.

I feel SOOOO much better now that I am medicated!!! I am putting on my purple I-look-faboo gear and I am going to DO something! Maybe after dinner I will even go EXERCISE with my mommy!

Ow.

My pain meds ran out and apparently drs aren't open over the weekend. OW OW OW.

Mostly today was good but this is making it end on a not-so-good.

---

We ended up going to the ER last night. Everything takes For Ev Ar. We wait and wait and wait and they do tests and everything comes back negative except we're waiting on one and finally they sent us home and said they would call.

and so I got 4 hours of sleep and I am so tired but I hurt and I don't want to hurt. I am not so tired as yesterday which is super-good cuz hopefully tomorrow will be even better!

But people are coming over this afternoon and I'd really like to nap before then so that I can be social instead of grouchy.

The Hunk is going to pick up my new pain pills HURRAY HURRAY! Mommy made me some egg salad for a sandwich, lots of celery, yum.

The ER left us a message and said my thyroid is a little overactive which maybe would explain why I'm all the time thirsty and my mouth feels weird. Set up a dr appointment with the family doc for tomorrow but also gonna call the oncologist in a few minutes after lunch to see if maybe it's cuz of my meds. Hopefully it's not and we can do something about it rather than I just have to suck it up.

I don't like suck it up. I'm tired of that.

And also I snagged my drain tube a little yesterday and HOLY SMOKES THAT HURT SO BAD and it still hurts too. Please Hunk drive safe but fast...

I hope it doesn't hurt like that when they take out the drain!!! oh, that would be bad. But I really REALLY want it gone. It's grody. And I miss being able to take nice deep soaky-baths. I'm going to have a shallow one as soon as I finish my sandwich. So since I'm pretty sure I've met my word count Imonna eat it so's I can soaky.

ta!

Discipline Update & Freewrite: August 7

Well, yesterday afternoon kind of got swallowed up so I didn't get to go back to my Real Writing from yesterday. It's still in my drafts, though, so hopefully you'll get to see it soon.

OTOH, I did go by a fabric store and pick up some scarf material. I'm sooo psyched! After I come home from the salon today one of the things I'm going to do is practice some basic hijab styles. Maybe. If I'm not ready for a nap by then.

I had a big ol' nap yesterday evening, then I was up from about 10-12 at night, then in bed again by 12:30 or 1. Woke up at 7 but went back to sleep. Up now and I'm still kind of dozy. I feel like I could go back to sleep. But at this point I really need to get ready to go get my shot. :(

Interrupted because I had to go wake up the Hunk to tell him it's time to get up and get dressed so's I can get my shot. Man, it bums me out that I messed that up yesterday. It's just SO confusing with all the different offices I go to. I went to the wrong branch of the right office and they had something to do to me so they did it but it was just mixed up and this poor nice lady kept waiting for me but I never came by to the right branch of the right office. :(

So she sent the instructions over to the ER and now I gotta go over there this morning. BUMMER.

OTOH, I made my word count. ^.^ Yay!

Discipline Update & Freewrite: August 6

Okay, this is going to be super-short because I was actually up shortly after 5 doing some Real Writing and I'm going to count that. I hope to get it finished up (I got so tired I couldn't keep typing) later today and put it up here.

My tomorrow list!

My writing buddy, Mardie, created a very insightful blog post that inspired me! Tomorrow I will:

- Wake up.
- Realize I was dreaming. Sometimes this takes awhile.
- Put my hair in a ponytail. My hair-thingy is on the right nightstand.
- Go into the bathroom and brush my teeth. I now have super-foamy mouthwash. Yay!
- Empty my drain and record the amount in the Special Chart the doctor gave me.
- Take a nausea pill.
- Take a pain pill, maybe probably. For my cramps if nothing else. (Yeah, menstrual cramps on top of everything else! Yeesh.)
- Eat breakfast. This is taking awhile.
- Update Facebook.
- Do my freewrite. I started it, but it's LONG.
- Get dressed.
- Make sure I have my prescription for wigs and prosthetics. I can't find them!! :(
- Go to my first wig consultation. He was sooo nice! I can't wait to order my wig. Oo, I have to call and let him know insurance said we're good.
- Call tech support at the yearbook publisher to find out why I can't edit the supplement pages. apparently, it was some kind of fluke. things are fine.
- Go to my second wig consultation. At this one I can also look at mastectomy bras and prosthetics. Possibly get fitted. Except I got a call that I had to go get a shot.
- Have lunch. I figure it was ok to skip lunch cuz breakfast ended at 12:20 :P
- Take another nausea pill and empty the drain again.
- Afternoon: Relax. Edit yearbook pages if possible. Chatter on the ning. If the other teachers from my department have the afternoon free, maybe go to a salon to get my hair lopped off for donation. Get the remainder cut into a cute swing bob and dyed blonde. Last one is scheduled for tomorrow!
- Evening: Head up to the ex-mall for a WALK after dinner. YAY! This isn't happening today. :( I accidentally got bloodwork (scheduled for Monday) instead of the shot that was scheduled for today cuz I went to the wrong office and I thought I did was I was sposta but I dint. :( It got me all kerfuffled so I came home and napped instead
- Before bed, empty the drain again & take another nausea pill.
- Brush teeth.
- Have the Hunk tuck me in and give me a good-night kiss.

Discipline Update & Freewrite: August 5

Poetry, poetry, poetry, poetry.

I am determined to read a poem every other day to my students. Not just during that unit, but all the way through the school year. But that's a lot of poems, and I don't think I have that many that I like.

Except I think that I miscounted, because we're on that A/B schedule ... I won't need but half as many poems. There's a total of 169 days of school, so (in theory) we'll have 85 A-days and 84 B-days.

So I'm covered. Cool!

I think what I want to do now is see if I can make improvements. All of these are poems that I like, but not all of them are ones that I like so much that I just want to share them with EVERYONE EVERYWHERE.

And there's the old-white-dude thing; most of the poems are from old white dudes. I don't know how much I want to highlight that, because our culture still values old white dudes more than non-OWDs, and how much I want to push against it because should we draw attention to it? does that just reinforce it?

I'm in this interesting floaty place. It's my meds. I only took one pill this morning but boy is it hitting me hard. I am SO ready to be over this surgery. I sure hope they take the drain out. It just feels like it's taking so much longer than the last one (I mean years ago, not earlier this summer; obviously this one's going to take longer because they cut a lot deeper).

I miss having a fully functional body. HURRY UP AND HEAL, DARNIT!

Soooo frustrated

So I came to Panera because they have freefillable coffee and I need to finish reviewing the pages for the 2010 supplement. And it is taking For. Freaking. Ever. to get anything to load on the Jostens site. AURGH! It's not helping that all of a sudden I am just WIPED.

I think Imonna head home and take a nap. But I am gonna KEEP my damn freefillable coffee cup and come BACK and get my freefills. GRRR!!!

Discipline Update & Freewrite: August 4

So I go to the plastic surgeon again tomorrow. Hopefully he'll remove my drain! I'm not really all that happy about how long reconstruction will take.

The Hunk made breakfast for me this morning. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful husband.

And I am also glad that I have insurance. We are paying some of my medical bills and HOO BOY. Let me tell you, surgery is not cheap.

Today mom and I are going to go shopping for wigs and mastectomy stuff. I need to remember to tell the plastic surgeon that I will need a prescription for any prosthetics or other special gear in order to have it covered by insurance.

And my first chemo appointment is tomorrow. I wonder what that's going to be like.

We are also going to go by the school to see if I can get my NCTE trip approved. That way I can tell the chemo lady it's a done deal and they can schedule my appointments around it. I've got my fingers crossed.

I'm starting to drift off here. I'm in the comfy chair, there's just enough ambient noise to be soothing, I has a soft pillow tucked under my arm, my feet are propped up.... ahhh. Plus since we'll be out and about today I did take a pain pill before breakfast. Those make me drowsy.

I wonder if I've met my word count yet. Somehow I doubt it.

Hey, 242! That means that by the time I finish this sentence, I'll be done! YAY!

Discipline Update & Freewrite: August 3

Okay, so. Met with the oncologist today. I don't know WHAT it is, but we just don't click. Like, at all. I just get this vibe that he's talking at me and around me, but not TO me. I'm sure it didn't help at all that I was still on pain meds and already pretty ticked at having to sit and wait and WAIT and wait, but whatever. I was just SO frustrated.

Long story short, there is NO chance for having ANY of my therapies done concurrently (warning: link is probably NSFW). But, whatever. I finally - FINALLY! - get to start my chemo on Thursday. Six sessions, three weeks apart, which means I should be done just before Thanksgiving.

Then it'll be time for who-knows-how-much radiation. That's an every day thing. Similar side effects, but milder.

I'm also supposed to get some genetic testing done. I am so TIRED OF TESTING. My God. My poor left arm is all beat-up from all the needles that have gone in it.

And the results of THAT test will determine how many pills I'll have to take for the rest of my life, as well as how easy it'll be to do the prophylactic surgeries on my other side and my ovaries.

Reconstruction is probably going to take me WELL into next year. Dammit.

SO tired of dealing with this. And just ... people who mean well but are ... well, ignorant. Asking? Asking is all good. Telling? Not so good. Telling me how I should feel or how I will feel or ... no, seriously, just don't go there. It is FINE if you want to tell me about YOUR EXPERIENCE. But ... do people not realize how idiotic it sounds when they try to tell me what my experience is going to be like, based on their experience?!

It is perfectly okay for you to tell me about your experience. It doesn't HAVE to be about me. Crikeys.

I mean, do I come across as THAT self-absorbed?