Showing posts with label freewrite. Show all posts
Showing posts with label freewrite. Show all posts
Friday, September 6, 2013
Whinge
I'm supposed to be writing fanfic and it's harrrrd. I feel drawn to my lesson plans (which are current but I could work ahead!) and journaling (this post about road narratives and the lack of female protagonists in them got me thinking about Mal and Captain Jack Sparrow and what happens with Elizabeth at the end of the third movie and the femSmuggler's romance in SWTOR) and I just want to do just about anything EXCEPT finish off this chapter that is SO freaking close to being done. It's frustrating. I am SO not a writer.
Friday, August 16, 2013
Hair
Change is something that interests me. For most of my life, I have had long (or at least, long-ish) hair. Part of this is because long hair is fairly easy to style - pull it back in a barrette or up in a ponytail and voila! - and also because I'm both cheap and lazy, and making an appointment, getting to the hairdresser, waiting my turn, getting the cut and then getting home often takes the better part of an afternoon, and I don't even want to think about the cost anymore.
When I was in college, I dyed my hair on a regular basis. Just wash-out stuff, though. My natural color is a nondescript "mousy brown" of the sort that female protagonists in YA novels complain about as The Most Boring Color Ever. When I went to Comic-Con, I met this one girl who had a fantastic turquoise dye job. Even then, though... I've just always been a bit uncertain about permanent dyes. They're so... permanent!
It also used to be incredibly thick. Back in 2010 I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and after surgery I had chemo and radiation. Losing your hair is a common side effect, but it's not a sure thing. So I got mine chopped and donated it and went ahead and got highlights. (Meh.) It did end up coming out -- it was hard to tell at first, though, because my hair was so freaking thick that it shed a lot.
I wore wigs to work and around town. Although I had several scarves, I never really got the hang of them. But as weeks turned into months, I got more and more comfortable with my scraggly pate. One thing they don't tell you is that your hair still tries to grow and just keeps dying off because of the drugs. I was expecting a smooth, shiny noggin and I never got one.
When it grew back, it was curly at first, which is pretty common. By the next summer I had a full head of hair, and it had started coming in straight again. It's a little weird having hair that does two things, but I guess it's better to have it curly first then straight, with the curls at the ends, than vice versa! But I've noticed that it isn't nearly as thick as it used to be. Mostly, I'm glad. It doesn't shed nearly as much, it's a bit easier to style, and it looks more like hair is supposed to look, instead of giving me a perpetual mushroom-head. Even so, it still feels a little weird. When I sit back with my head against a pillow, there's just not as much there.
Also my eyebrows are now super-sparse and my face looks wrong to me. Fortunately it's pretty easy to take care of with eyebrow pencils. Or brown eyeliner, if I want something a little darker. Hell, even eyeshadow works. (As long as I don't use something funky like green or orange.)
More recently, I quit shaving my legs. I haven't been one for shorts or skirts for quite some time, so it's not really noticeable. Somehow, for no apparent reason, I wondered how long it would take for my legs to go past "scratchy" into "fluffy." My arm hair is super-soft and I wondered if my leg hair would be similar. I figured it wouldn't be exactly the same because the Hunk is a man, and so he isn't expected to shave his body hair, and his leg hair is a tiny bit coarser and curlier than his arm hair. Also I think it's not as long as it gets... though that varies.
Mine's the same way. It's soft and a little shaggy now. It doesn't lay as neatly as my arm hair does. Because I'm tall, I've always been self-conscious about wearing pants that showed anything above the ankle. Capris just look weird to me. And so for awhile I was even more self-conscious, because of course in our society women are expected not to have hair on their legs.
But I have some exercise wear that comes to mid-calf. Yes, it looks weird to me, but it was affordable and comfy, so I bought it. And it feels ever so daring to wear that when I go for a walk or run errands or something. I feel just the slightest bit scandalous! When I think about it, I can't help grinning at how silly it is -- oo, leg hair, sooo avant-garde. Whatever, Clix, you're a goofball.
I do still shave my nethers and under my arms. Too much hair down there feels odd, like I may have started my period without noticing. And to avoid being smelly I wear deodorant, and if there's hair under my arms it tends to tangle (ouch!) or get clumps (ew).
My attitude toward my body changes often, as I'm sure is the case for most women. I drift between being curious and impressed at the way that it works at some times and then at others vainly wishing it was more conventionally attractive. Sometimes it's both at the same time!
When I was in college, I dyed my hair on a regular basis. Just wash-out stuff, though. My natural color is a nondescript "mousy brown" of the sort that female protagonists in YA novels complain about as The Most Boring Color Ever. When I went to Comic-Con, I met this one girl who had a fantastic turquoise dye job. Even then, though... I've just always been a bit uncertain about permanent dyes. They're so... permanent!
It also used to be incredibly thick. Back in 2010 I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and after surgery I had chemo and radiation. Losing your hair is a common side effect, but it's not a sure thing. So I got mine chopped and donated it and went ahead and got highlights. (Meh.) It did end up coming out -- it was hard to tell at first, though, because my hair was so freaking thick that it shed a lot.
I wore wigs to work and around town. Although I had several scarves, I never really got the hang of them. But as weeks turned into months, I got more and more comfortable with my scraggly pate. One thing they don't tell you is that your hair still tries to grow and just keeps dying off because of the drugs. I was expecting a smooth, shiny noggin and I never got one.
When it grew back, it was curly at first, which is pretty common. By the next summer I had a full head of hair, and it had started coming in straight again. It's a little weird having hair that does two things, but I guess it's better to have it curly first then straight, with the curls at the ends, than vice versa! But I've noticed that it isn't nearly as thick as it used to be. Mostly, I'm glad. It doesn't shed nearly as much, it's a bit easier to style, and it looks more like hair is supposed to look, instead of giving me a perpetual mushroom-head. Even so, it still feels a little weird. When I sit back with my head against a pillow, there's just not as much there.
Also my eyebrows are now super-sparse and my face looks wrong to me. Fortunately it's pretty easy to take care of with eyebrow pencils. Or brown eyeliner, if I want something a little darker. Hell, even eyeshadow works. (As long as I don't use something funky like green or orange.)
More recently, I quit shaving my legs. I haven't been one for shorts or skirts for quite some time, so it's not really noticeable. Somehow, for no apparent reason, I wondered how long it would take for my legs to go past "scratchy" into "fluffy." My arm hair is super-soft and I wondered if my leg hair would be similar. I figured it wouldn't be exactly the same because the Hunk is a man, and so he isn't expected to shave his body hair, and his leg hair is a tiny bit coarser and curlier than his arm hair. Also I think it's not as long as it gets... though that varies.
Mine's the same way. It's soft and a little shaggy now. It doesn't lay as neatly as my arm hair does. Because I'm tall, I've always been self-conscious about wearing pants that showed anything above the ankle. Capris just look weird to me. And so for awhile I was even more self-conscious, because of course in our society women are expected not to have hair on their legs.
But I have some exercise wear that comes to mid-calf. Yes, it looks weird to me, but it was affordable and comfy, so I bought it. And it feels ever so daring to wear that when I go for a walk or run errands or something. I feel just the slightest bit scandalous! When I think about it, I can't help grinning at how silly it is -- oo, leg hair, sooo avant-garde. Whatever, Clix, you're a goofball.
I do still shave my nethers and under my arms. Too much hair down there feels odd, like I may have started my period without noticing. And to avoid being smelly I wear deodorant, and if there's hair under my arms it tends to tangle (ouch!) or get clumps (ew).
My attitude toward my body changes often, as I'm sure is the case for most women. I drift between being curious and impressed at the way that it works at some times and then at others vainly wishing it was more conventionally attractive. Sometimes it's both at the same time!
Friday, February 17, 2012
Mih.
So it's now 8 PM and I've been at an event that I have PAID to go to for several hours, and I've spent the time not at the event but in my room, surfing the web (thank God I have internet access). I just haven't felt the least bit interested in what I've seen listed to do.
Maybe I'm just a snob, but things feel ... poorly designed. I mean, I would think that a "Literary" series would be about, you know, READING. But it isn't! Those are the writing panels. There kind of aren't any book-focused panels.
And it strikes me as just a little unfair that the Disney trivia contest was put in the Kids category, while Star Wars and Doctor Who get to be General. I would've thought NERDS would be the sort to understand that grown-ups geek out over Disney details as much as children do. :P
I've heard nothing about a drum circle, either. Serious bummer, that.
Speaking of bummers, one of my online buddies recently went silent. SAD FACE, CHEV. I'll miss ya. If you're ever heading East, lemme know. :)
Maybe I'm just a snob, but things feel ... poorly designed. I mean, I would think that a "Literary" series would be about, you know, READING. But it isn't! Those are the writing panels. There kind of aren't any book-focused panels.
And it strikes me as just a little unfair that the Disney trivia contest was put in the Kids category, while Star Wars and Doctor Who get to be General. I would've thought NERDS would be the sort to understand that grown-ups geek out over Disney details as much as children do. :P
I've heard nothing about a drum circle, either. Serious bummer, that.
Speaking of bummers, one of my online buddies recently went silent. SAD FACE, CHEV. I'll miss ya. If you're ever heading East, lemme know. :)
Monday, February 6, 2012
Nothing More Than Feelings
I've got bunches to do today, so this will probably just be a stub for now. Anyway.
Whoever wrote the Jedi Code was an idiot.
In fairness, this isn't the only version of the code, but it's the only one (that I've heard) in the new MMO Star Wars: The Old Republic. And one of the elements of the original stories - and the later ones - that I miss in the game is the exploration of philosophy. While I've enjoyed learning to use interrupt actions and finding out how the gathering/crafting system works in this game, the story options are heavy-handed and clunky. More than once I've found myself wishing I had a good tabletop group instead.
However, in the absence of that, SW:TOR will have to do. :P
Whoever wrote the Jedi Code was an idiot.
There is no emotion, there is peace.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
There is no chaos, there is harmony.
There is no death, there is the Force.
In fairness, this isn't the only version of the code, but it's the only one (that I've heard) in the new MMO Star Wars: The Old Republic. And one of the elements of the original stories - and the later ones - that I miss in the game is the exploration of philosophy. While I've enjoyed learning to use interrupt actions and finding out how the gathering/crafting system works in this game, the story options are heavy-handed and clunky. More than once I've found myself wishing I had a good tabletop group instead.
However, in the absence of that, SW:TOR will have to do. :P
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Because Writing Is Good For You :P
Okay, here we go again. On the way to school.
I hate when I think I'm ready to go early, and then I remember that I don't have my medicine with me, and my phone and wallet are in the other room. And THEN I think I'm ready BUT then I feel like I need to go through my bag to make sure that my keys are there and where are they? I was sure they were here! And… oh. Okay. There they are. And by this time, rather than being a few minutes ahead of schedule, I'm a few minutes behind schedule. It's so frustrating.
The Hunk and I talked for most of the trip, so I didn't write as much.
When we got to school, I found out that today would be another Day Of Stress. Not only is it senior portrait day, which involves stress because OF COURSE there are seniors who didn't sign up for a time, or forgot what time they signed up for, BUT ALSO we had to schedule portraits AROUND a senior assembly, and then we had to reschedule another group of them because we have a homeroom today to vote for homecoming queen (no king, just queen) and then later on there's going to be a fire drill.
*facepalm*
Add to this the stress of being told that unlike other years, seniors who do not have their sitting fee WILL NOT be able to have their portraits made today. And we were unable to schedule another portrait date until frickin' NOVEMBER.
Oh - and on top of all of that, the internet is down. AGAIN.
How the hell am I supposed to use technology effectively when we KEEP having problems of this nature? OF COURSE everyone is still going to expect us to produce an inclusive, error-free yearbook on schedule.
I'm TIRED of being expected to produce amazing results without the support needed to do so.
I hate when I think I'm ready to go early, and then I remember that I don't have my medicine with me, and my phone and wallet are in the other room. And THEN I think I'm ready BUT then I feel like I need to go through my bag to make sure that my keys are there and where are they? I was sure they were here! And… oh. Okay. There they are. And by this time, rather than being a few minutes ahead of schedule, I'm a few minutes behind schedule. It's so frustrating.
The Hunk and I talked for most of the trip, so I didn't write as much.
When we got to school, I found out that today would be another Day Of Stress. Not only is it senior portrait day, which involves stress because OF COURSE there are seniors who didn't sign up for a time, or forgot what time they signed up for, BUT ALSO we had to schedule portraits AROUND a senior assembly, and then we had to reschedule another group of them because we have a homeroom today to vote for homecoming queen (no king, just queen) and then later on there's going to be a fire drill.
*facepalm*
Add to this the stress of being told that unlike other years, seniors who do not have their sitting fee WILL NOT be able to have their portraits made today. And we were unable to schedule another portrait date until frickin' NOVEMBER.
Oh - and on top of all of that, the internet is down. AGAIN.
How the hell am I supposed to use technology effectively when we KEEP having problems of this nature? OF COURSE everyone is still going to expect us to produce an inclusive, error-free yearbook on schedule.
I'm TIRED of being expected to produce amazing results without the support needed to do so.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Without Books
CBethM, over at Encourage Me to Write, asks "What would the world be like without books?"
The short answer is, I don't know.
Human nature is what it is, with or without a written record. Isn't that what we learn from literature? People would still love and hope, will always lie, cheat, and compete. Communication would be different. Could we have achieved, say, the industrial revolution without easily-replicated text? I don't know.
Overall, though, I doubt much would change. We will always find a way to communicate, and we'll always use our communication to tell stories.
The short answer is, I don't know.
Human nature is what it is, with or without a written record. Isn't that what we learn from literature? People would still love and hope, will always lie, cheat, and compete. Communication would be different. Could we have achieved, say, the industrial revolution without easily-replicated text? I don't know.
Overall, though, I doubt much would change. We will always find a way to communicate, and we'll always use our communication to tell stories.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Good Habits - November 13
So yeah. The reason my fingers and feet feel so weird is also because of the chemo. *sigh* It's called "peripheral neuropathy." I am SO GLAD next session is my last. I'm going to get another bottle of my daily multivitamin (cuz there is only one lonely ill gummy left!) and Imonna pick up some B6 and B12 too because they may help.
The creepy thing about this is that based on what I'm reading, it may not go away. :( Some people wind up with permanent nerve damage. EFF. I'm pretty hopeful, though, because I don't have any of the other risk factors. Also, it kind of comes and goes. Right now my index and middle fingers are worst, and my pinky fingers are almost fine. Also it's just the tips.
Plan for today is to play WoW this morning, maybe nap later since I woke up sooo early, go to the Indian restaurant for lunch, pick up any groceries we need (we're also out of salad fixins but I don't know if I want more since we'll be leaving Wednesday for NCTE) and then visit friends and play games this afternoon/evening. I think I want to bring Taboo. My favorite part is holding the buzzer. Except I kind of wore it out. I do have this nifty little desk-bell, though. It is REALLY LOUD... >;) hahahaha...
Fun times... ^.^
The creepy thing about this is that based on what I'm reading, it may not go away. :( Some people wind up with permanent nerve damage. EFF. I'm pretty hopeful, though, because I don't have any of the other risk factors. Also, it kind of comes and goes. Right now my index and middle fingers are worst, and my pinky fingers are almost fine. Also it's just the tips.
Plan for today is to play WoW this morning, maybe nap later since I woke up sooo early, go to the Indian restaurant for lunch, pick up any groceries we need (we're also out of salad fixins but I don't know if I want more since we'll be leaving Wednesday for NCTE) and then visit friends and play games this afternoon/evening. I think I want to bring Taboo. My favorite part is holding the buzzer. Except I kind of wore it out. I do have this nifty little desk-bell, though. It is REALLY LOUD... >;) hahahaha...
Fun times... ^.^
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Good Habits - November 10
McD's again today. After Papa John's last night and Arby's for lunch. *sigh* But it tastes SO GOOD. Oh well.
Today's prompt is: Discuss an important personal relationship you have had and explain how it has changed your life.
Well, the obvious choice is my husband. I've written about the Hunk before. I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that he renewed my faith in humanity - or at least in the other half! He is incredibly patient and ... easygoing? It's not "cheerful" so much as almost always content. It is good to be around him because he's almost always in a good mood.
He is a one-on-one parapro, and this year his student is a freshman, so he's now at the same school I am. I love getting to ride to school with him. If I'm having a rough day I can go and get a hug during lunch. It's pretty awesome.
It is hard to know the full extent of his influence on my life, because I really can't imagine my life (as it is now) without him. I probably wouldn't live in this part of the country. I might not even be a teacher.
Doctor's appointment today. Need to fill out my professional leave form for Friday's field trip. Parent calls after school tomorrow. Doctor's appointment Monday. I don't know WHEN I can get my blood work done... *sigh* maybe I can put it off until Tuesday, especially since I'm pushing my last chemo treatment back a few days too.
Today's prompt is: Discuss an important personal relationship you have had and explain how it has changed your life.
Well, the obvious choice is my husband. I've written about the Hunk before. I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that he renewed my faith in humanity - or at least in the other half! He is incredibly patient and ... easygoing? It's not "cheerful" so much as almost always content. It is good to be around him because he's almost always in a good mood.
He is a one-on-one parapro, and this year his student is a freshman, so he's now at the same school I am. I love getting to ride to school with him. If I'm having a rough day I can go and get a hug during lunch. It's pretty awesome.
It is hard to know the full extent of his influence on my life, because I really can't imagine my life (as it is now) without him. I probably wouldn't live in this part of the country. I might not even be a teacher.
Doctor's appointment today. Need to fill out my professional leave form for Friday's field trip. Parent calls after school tomorrow. Doctor's appointment Monday. I don't know WHEN I can get my blood work done... *sigh* maybe I can put it off until Tuesday, especially since I'm pushing my last chemo treatment back a few days too.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Good Habits - November 8
Today's prompt is: What is your favorite word, and why?
Since we're freewriting, I'm going to say that right now I can't think of a favorite word. One that came to mind was antediluvian. I like it because it's much more common to have "anti-" as a prefix, and it's "ante-".
I spent a lot of time over the weekend playing WoW. I got to talk to a GM about not being able to use primary professions and the GM I talked to was able to fix the problem - yay! so I leveled tailoring almost a hundred points yesterday. But more significantly (not that THAT'S saying much) I spent some time thinking about the interplay between story and mechanics in MMOs.
Like death. In WoW, death is nothing more than a temporary inconvenience. If your character is killed, you have to spend time moving its spirit back to its body before it can interact with the game world again. But that's not reflected in the story within the game: characters apparently die only once. And that is different from the mechanics with NPCs: NPCs, whether they are alive or dead, tend to stay that way. Sick characters can be revived, but it's only temporary, as the game is static.
The Hunk mentioned a game that was in development that was planning to incorporate permadeath. As in, each character has a certain amount of "lives," but once those are used up, the player can't revive that character ever again.
My fingers are tired and I'm sure I've met my word count. Neener!
Since we're freewriting, I'm going to say that right now I can't think of a favorite word. One that came to mind was antediluvian. I like it because it's much more common to have "anti-" as a prefix, and it's "ante-".
I spent a lot of time over the weekend playing WoW. I got to talk to a GM about not being able to use primary professions and the GM I talked to was able to fix the problem - yay! so I leveled tailoring almost a hundred points yesterday. But more significantly (not that THAT'S saying much) I spent some time thinking about the interplay between story and mechanics in MMOs.
Like death. In WoW, death is nothing more than a temporary inconvenience. If your character is killed, you have to spend time moving its spirit back to its body before it can interact with the game world again. But that's not reflected in the story within the game: characters apparently die only once. And that is different from the mechanics with NPCs: NPCs, whether they are alive or dead, tend to stay that way. Sick characters can be revived, but it's only temporary, as the game is static.
The Hunk mentioned a game that was in development that was planning to incorporate permadeath. As in, each character has a certain amount of "lives," but once those are used up, the player can't revive that character ever again.
My fingers are tired and I'm sure I've met my word count. Neener!
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Good Habits - November 4
So I fixed oatmeal for breakfast and I brushed my teeth. Everything was going well up until the senior group photo. THEY WERE AWFUL. Ugh. Worst group photo I've ever supervised. Good gravy. So then when my second-block students had leftover junk food from another class I made a bit of a pig of myself. Tasty, though.
Today's prompt is Sartre said "Hell is other people," while Streisand sang, "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world." Which is right? Why?
This is supposed to be a prompt for a college application essay. I figure colleges want to hear you say that you agree with Streisand. They don't want students who are misanthropic because you're going to be around people all the time and if you're miserable it might make the other paying customers unhappy and less likely to continue paying. So insert some blather here about how everyone needs community. Oo, a good place to reference Donne's "No Man Is An Island" schpiel.
It looks like they're finishing up - by the time I get the writing prompt up and then they start writing and I take attendance and put that in the computer as well as in my notebook and check for SSR books and ask those who don't have them about them well ZOOM... it's very nearly time to quit writing anyway.
Hope to dance tonight.
Today's prompt is Sartre said "Hell is other people," while Streisand sang, "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world." Which is right? Why?
This is supposed to be a prompt for a college application essay. I figure colleges want to hear you say that you agree with Streisand. They don't want students who are misanthropic because you're going to be around people all the time and if you're miserable it might make the other paying customers unhappy and less likely to continue paying. So insert some blather here about how everyone needs community. Oo, a good place to reference Donne's "No Man Is An Island" schpiel.
It looks like they're finishing up - by the time I get the writing prompt up and then they start writing and I take attendance and put that in the computer as well as in my notebook and check for SSR books and ask those who don't have them about them well ZOOM... it's very nearly time to quit writing anyway.
Hope to dance tonight.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Good Habits - October 14
I don't know how "good" my habits are; we ate breakfast at McDonald's AGAIN today. Two days in a row. :( It's so hard NOT to, despite that it's a money sink and really not good for us.
Because we're on the A/B schedule, the writing prompt is the same today as it was yesterday. But after they finish filling their pages they're turning in their meeting work and I need to check that off. But also I should be writing. Right? *sigh*
Annnnd the two-gig camera card I ordered is the wrong shape for our camera. *SIGH* And I seem to be missing one of the black cameras. Eff. Emm. Ell. I really need to get a sign-out log for the cameras, and I need to start having students sign out for Journalism too. I'm so tired of EVERYTHING. Dammit.
I think I'm going to take a half-day today. I need to call and make sure I have someone to cover my last class.
WHERE is my binder for this class?! I just HAD it! Oh. It's right where all the binders are - apparently I didn't get it out yet.
Overall I'm VERY pleased; I only had like four students who hadn't completed their work for today's discussion!
Time to get started observing discussions! woot.
Because we're on the A/B schedule, the writing prompt is the same today as it was yesterday. But after they finish filling their pages they're turning in their meeting work and I need to check that off. But also I should be writing. Right? *sigh*
Annnnd the two-gig camera card I ordered is the wrong shape for our camera. *SIGH* And I seem to be missing one of the black cameras. Eff. Emm. Ell. I really need to get a sign-out log for the cameras, and I need to start having students sign out for Journalism too. I'm so tired of EVERYTHING. Dammit.
I think I'm going to take a half-day today. I need to call and make sure I have someone to cover my last class.
WHERE is my binder for this class?! I just HAD it! Oh. It's right where all the binders are - apparently I didn't get it out yet.
Overall I'm VERY pleased; I only had like four students who hadn't completed their work for today's discussion!
Time to get started observing discussions! woot.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Good Habits - September 30
Yaaaay! It's payday!
So we're in Journalism I and I have a bunch of students who have waited until the very last possible moment to contact their advertisers. Big surprise there. And they're like "but Ms. Clix, they weren't open yesterday!" Well who's had this assignment for a month?
AURGH! So. Frustrating.
And students who have waited until the very last possible moment to do their photo shoots. Seriously. WTF. I'm frustrated and tired.
So we're in Journalism I and I have a bunch of students who have waited until the very last possible moment to contact their advertisers. Big surprise there. And they're like "but Ms. Clix, they weren't open yesterday!" Well who's had this assignment for a month?
AURGH! So. Frustrating.
And students who have waited until the very last possible moment to do their photo shoots. Seriously. WTF. I'm frustrated and tired.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Good Habits - August 26
So some of the comments on an EC Ning post brought up some really painful memories. We live in the Deep South, and while back north of the Mason-Dixon line I was slightly right of the area's center, here I am apparently a liberal heathen. For the most part, I just suck it up and soldier on, because I don't know how to do otherwise with any grace.
I would hope that, if I were an area where my views weren't on the fringe, I would still retain an awareness that there are those to whom they seem preposterous. I know that I don't understand, for example, what it means to be ... racially oppressed, I guess, comes the closest to what I mean. I've lived in places where I was a racial minority, but even there being white meant privilege.
I'm not apologizing for it. I am who I am, and if it's not something I can change, I'm not going to waste time moping about it. Privilege is awfully nice. It's nice to feel valued. It's nice to truly believe that what you say, or do, really matters. It's nice to have agency.
Tangent: haven't heard back yet from the salon where I ordered my purple wig. I really really really hope it comes in today or tomorrow! I sooo want to wear it for the hafla tomorrow night!
Back to the point: There are many ways in which I'm privileged. Most of them, in fact. But one instance in which I've missed it is in being female in a subtly patriarchal culture. In this area, it is taken for granted that women are supposed to want marriage and children. It is taken for granted that men are the primary breadwinners, and that a woman's work outside the home is secondary to her role as primary caregiver. It astounds and horrifies me that people (can) say that as a wife, the only decisions I should make are those that my husband delegates to me.
Other than that, I love living where I do.
I am absolutely overwhelmed with the revamping plus having three preps at once. I feel like I'm always behind. I'm always tired - not physically exhausted, or sleepy, just tired. It's not too bad. But there's always an undercurrent of stress. There is just SO MUCH to do. I don't have a sub for tomorrow. I spent most of my planning time calling and leaving the same damn message. It was incredibly frustrating, because there is so much other stuff to do. AURGH! Photo day is coming up and I'm scared because we've got a new photography company and I don't know quite what to expect.
And Pipsqueak is not working. ONCE AGAIN! I get so tired of this crap. It's absolutely ridiculous. So do I NOT write and just go police the room? Or do I write with them, which is what everyone says I should be doing? The quickwrite I assigned them was about their ideal day. Pip was also supposed to come by yesterday for detention and did NOT. So I guess I get to write him up. Woo.
My ideal day would be one in which I woke up and found that everything had been arranged already. Photo shoots had already been scheduled, the whole way through the year. Lesson plans were all transferred over onto the inconvenient form that our administration makes us use. All of the messages left for me with questions about senior portrait retakes had already been answered. All my announcements had been turned in to the front office. All of our ads had been sold for both the newspaper and the yearbook. All students had ordered and paid for a book and had already received their receipts. All of the students in my classes had completed their homework and turned it in and it was already graded.
"Overwhelmed" only BEGINS to describe it. I don't particularly want to go to bellydance tonight. Right now I just want to go home and vegetate. I want to tell this class to just read for the entire period. I don't want to bother with lesson planning. I'm tired of students trying to squeeze two extra minutes - the pass says you're excused at 1:45, kiddo, I'll let you out of the room when the clock says 1:45 and not a moment before.
Some days make me wonder...
I would hope that, if I were an area where my views weren't on the fringe, I would still retain an awareness that there are those to whom they seem preposterous. I know that I don't understand, for example, what it means to be ... racially oppressed, I guess, comes the closest to what I mean. I've lived in places where I was a racial minority, but even there being white meant privilege.
I'm not apologizing for it. I am who I am, and if it's not something I can change, I'm not going to waste time moping about it. Privilege is awfully nice. It's nice to feel valued. It's nice to truly believe that what you say, or do, really matters. It's nice to have agency.
Tangent: haven't heard back yet from the salon where I ordered my purple wig. I really really really hope it comes in today or tomorrow! I sooo want to wear it for the hafla tomorrow night!
Back to the point: There are many ways in which I'm privileged. Most of them, in fact. But one instance in which I've missed it is in being female in a subtly patriarchal culture. In this area, it is taken for granted that women are supposed to want marriage and children. It is taken for granted that men are the primary breadwinners, and that a woman's work outside the home is secondary to her role as primary caregiver. It astounds and horrifies me that people (can) say that as a wife, the only decisions I should make are those that my husband delegates to me.
Other than that, I love living where I do.
I am absolutely overwhelmed with the revamping plus having three preps at once. I feel like I'm always behind. I'm always tired - not physically exhausted, or sleepy, just tired. It's not too bad. But there's always an undercurrent of stress. There is just SO MUCH to do. I don't have a sub for tomorrow. I spent most of my planning time calling and leaving the same damn message. It was incredibly frustrating, because there is so much other stuff to do. AURGH! Photo day is coming up and I'm scared because we've got a new photography company and I don't know quite what to expect.
And Pipsqueak is not working. ONCE AGAIN! I get so tired of this crap. It's absolutely ridiculous. So do I NOT write and just go police the room? Or do I write with them, which is what everyone says I should be doing? The quickwrite I assigned them was about their ideal day. Pip was also supposed to come by yesterday for detention and did NOT. So I guess I get to write him up. Woo.
My ideal day would be one in which I woke up and found that everything had been arranged already. Photo shoots had already been scheduled, the whole way through the year. Lesson plans were all transferred over onto the inconvenient form that our administration makes us use. All of the messages left for me with questions about senior portrait retakes had already been answered. All my announcements had been turned in to the front office. All of our ads had been sold for both the newspaper and the yearbook. All students had ordered and paid for a book and had already received their receipts. All of the students in my classes had completed their homework and turned it in and it was already graded.
"Overwhelmed" only BEGINS to describe it. I don't particularly want to go to bellydance tonight. Right now I just want to go home and vegetate. I want to tell this class to just read for the entire period. I don't want to bother with lesson planning. I'm tired of students trying to squeeze two extra minutes - the pass says you're excused at 1:45, kiddo, I'll let you out of the room when the clock says 1:45 and not a moment before.
Some days make me wonder...
Monday, August 23, 2010
Good Habits - August 23
I desperately need to do a better job of eating my veggies. Cancer is gonna make me fat. Case in point? Breakfast today: pie. Hey, I made it for dessert last night, there's only two of us, so there's leftovers. Tasty tasty.
So today we have GOT to go grocery shopping. We need salad greens (obviously), trash bags, milk, eggs, juice... I'm forgetting things, I know.
I need to call the surgeon and ask what's up with this tendon under my arm. Will it stretch out over time? Or am I stuck with limited range of movement now? I will be rather angry if the latter is the case - no one said ANYTHING about losing full use of my arm. NOT a happy cookie about that.
Still can't find my phone, though.
Oh dear. And the Hunk just said he wants to B'kow (our phrase for McDonald's). And I'm gonna get a sammitch. Because they are just SO SO GOOD! Aurgh.
I also need to call the oncologist and make sure I know when my chemo is this week so I get a sub for the right day.
And I need to plan out my Journalism stuff. I didn't do that yesterday (bad me!) but I can do it during planning today. After YET ANOTHER MEETING we'll have to sit through. Oh, and then there's ANOTHER one tomorrow. Good GRIEF.
Today after school I'd like to try to pick up my other wigs. I don't know if they'll be in or not, but I've got my fingers crossed.
And now it's time to finish getting ready!
So today we have GOT to go grocery shopping. We need salad greens (obviously), trash bags, milk, eggs, juice... I'm forgetting things, I know.
I need to call the surgeon and ask what's up with this tendon under my arm. Will it stretch out over time? Or am I stuck with limited range of movement now? I will be rather angry if the latter is the case - no one said ANYTHING about losing full use of my arm. NOT a happy cookie about that.
Still can't find my phone, though.
Oh dear. And the Hunk just said he wants to B'kow (our phrase for McDonald's). And I'm gonna get a sammitch. Because they are just SO SO GOOD! Aurgh.
I also need to call the oncologist and make sure I know when my chemo is this week so I get a sub for the right day.
And I need to plan out my Journalism stuff. I didn't do that yesterday (bad me!) but I can do it during planning today. After YET ANOTHER MEETING we'll have to sit through. Oh, and then there's ANOTHER one tomorrow. Good GRIEF.
Today after school I'd like to try to pick up my other wigs. I don't know if they'll be in or not, but I've got my fingers crossed.
And now it's time to finish getting ready!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Good Habits - August 22
Oh dear. It's already Sunday. Well, fortunately the only things I have planned are getting my head the rest of the way shaved, going out to eat, and creating lessons for Journalism I and a schedule for Journalism II. And maybe working on the list of panels I want to go to at NCTE.
No church today, though that means we will probably field some calls this afternoon. I wish I knew where my phone was.
I've been up for awhile reading blog posts and I'm going to go ahead and use one of my comments as the rest of my freewrite. So there. And then I'm going to go brush my teeth because I think I didn't. I did have breakfast - a leftover chicken strip and a roll, and a bowl of oatmeal... and a bunch of candy corn. Not my fault, though; the Hunk left them over here by the computer and they are SO TASTY!!
So I read a post on Courtney's blog about how female geeks tend to self-label, and an earlier one that it linked to. Go read those first, then come back here.
Are you done yet?
Okay. So this is what I said:
No church today, though that means we will probably field some calls this afternoon. I wish I knew where my phone was.
I've been up for awhile reading blog posts and I'm going to go ahead and use one of my comments as the rest of my freewrite. So there. And then I'm going to go brush my teeth because I think I didn't. I did have breakfast - a leftover chicken strip and a roll, and a bowl of oatmeal... and a bunch of candy corn. Not my fault, though; the Hunk left them over here by the computer and they are SO TASTY!!
So I read a post on Courtney's blog about how female geeks tend to self-label, and an earlier one that it linked to. Go read those first, then come back here.
Are you done yet?
Okay. So this is what I said:
I'm sure I'm going to think about this more, but I wanted to go ahead and comment while it was fresh in my brain. (I got here from Courtney's link, btw.)I'm a feminist, but I prefer to be subversive. In some ways, it's easier: instead of taking a stand ahead of time, you get to bide your time until privilege rears its ugly head to you personally. Of course, there's usually not a lot of time to bide... ;)
Labeling female groups as 'girls' tends to be less threatening than 'women.' But what I'm hearing is "oh, we don't want to upset da menz!" and I think there's a LOT more to it than that, though perhaps not consciously.
Part of it is possibly due to the dominant culture's idolization (idealization? maybe both?) of youth. It's like we're trying to balance out the black mark of being female, or saying "being female isn't bad, see? I'm young and cute and fun!"
Additionally, females in ages past had incredibly limited opportunities, and so girlhood today is in many ways about all the opportunities available to females that weren't there before. 'Girl power' stuff often clarifies this - the "girls can do anything!" idea. But as we age, we make choices. We say, "I'm going to do this instead of that." We trade out opportunity for expertise. I tend to think expertise trumps opportunity, but I don't see it being lauded the way it perhaps should be. And of course it doesn't help that expertise in women tends to be valued less than it is in men. :(
But most significantly I take issue with the idea (and I think I felt this more in Courtney's post) that self-labeling as 'girls' rather than 'women' is less subversive. I just flat-out disagree. I think the opposite is true: because the word 'girl' implies less power, it is less openly aggressive, yes. But open aggression is kind of the opposite of subversion.
In the war against privilege (particularly male privilege, in this case) girls are the scouts and spies. They can infiltrate the base and even ingratiate themselves. It is more 'womanly' to challenge a man about a privileged statement by saying "that's misogynistic and hateful;" it is more 'girly' to say "when you posted that, it made me feel bad. I wish you wouldn't."
Both tactics can be effective. And if we want to change the culture, why should we limit ourselves to one or the other?
Friday, August 20, 2010
Good Habits - August 20
I really don't feel like writing today.
I did brush my teeth last night. And wash my face. The blemish right below my nose seems to be mostly healed.
I am eating cereal and DAMMIT we are NOT going to McDonald's today!
I didn't go for my walk yesterday because I ended up working until 6. Now that's with a visit from a former student and eating-while-working for a bit (the Hunk went to get Chinese take-out for us). But it's also with help from the Hunk. So overall I think I got out of there a good bit faster than I would've alone.
Hopefully we'll get to pick up my wigs after I have my blood work done today. I'm also dancing at a hafla tomorrow, so I really really hope they look good. I've been excited for awhile, but now I'm also sort of nervous.
My hair has been coming out quite steadily since yesterday. Wednesday was when I first noticed it, but yesterday it started tufting. But what I was really glad about was that I talked to a lady at our school who'd been diagnosed and gone through treatment last year and she said that her arm and leg hairs came out too. And I mean, that kind of makes sense, because cytotoxic therapy attacks cell division so it really does affect ALL your hair.
Including the hair Down There, if you know what I mean. In between classes (teachers can only do what must be done at certain times, after all) I got a bit of a surprise in my drawers. I remember going, "oh my. How interesting."
The neat thing is that I've lost a lot of the sensation under my right arm since my most recent surgery. And the first time I tried to shave I just couldn't, because since I couldn't feel it I was scared I'd cut myself (because you can hardly see it, either).
So now at least that's something I won't have to worry about for three more months! Losing brows and lashes might stink but there's pencils for brows, and I've used falsies for bellydance before. Now I guess I just get more practice!
The hardest part was last night. The Hunk brushed my hair out and it felt soooo good. I mean, I just like it when he brushes my hair. It's incredibly soothing, because he's so gentle, and being touched so softly by someone who loves you so much is just amazing.
But then later he mentioned that it had been really hard for him to do and he started crying and ... I can't make it better. :( I know exactly what he means - it's this constant reminder that something really is terribly wrong.
This particular symptom is hardest because quite literally, I'm falling apart. And there's nothing he can do about it except try to encourage me and support me. The thing is, though, I already have lots of encouragement and support. I think it's starting to leak out my ears!! But it's got to be even harder for him, because I think he feels like... like somehow he doesn't have the right to be upset or frustrated or worried because he's not the one with cancer. Or no, that's not right. That he can't SHOW his frustration or worry because it might upset ME. I think that's closer.
But I told him that I figured we'd each have some down times, and I wanted him to let me be there for him, too, just like I know he's here for me.
I did brush my teeth last night. And wash my face. The blemish right below my nose seems to be mostly healed.
I am eating cereal and DAMMIT we are NOT going to McDonald's today!
I didn't go for my walk yesterday because I ended up working until 6. Now that's with a visit from a former student and eating-while-working for a bit (the Hunk went to get Chinese take-out for us). But it's also with help from the Hunk. So overall I think I got out of there a good bit faster than I would've alone.
Hopefully we'll get to pick up my wigs after I have my blood work done today. I'm also dancing at a hafla tomorrow, so I really really hope they look good. I've been excited for awhile, but now I'm also sort of nervous.
My hair has been coming out quite steadily since yesterday. Wednesday was when I first noticed it, but yesterday it started tufting. But what I was really glad about was that I talked to a lady at our school who'd been diagnosed and gone through treatment last year and she said that her arm and leg hairs came out too. And I mean, that kind of makes sense, because cytotoxic therapy attacks cell division so it really does affect ALL your hair.
Including the hair Down There, if you know what I mean. In between classes (teachers can only do what must be done at certain times, after all) I got a bit of a surprise in my drawers. I remember going, "oh my. How interesting."
The neat thing is that I've lost a lot of the sensation under my right arm since my most recent surgery. And the first time I tried to shave I just couldn't, because since I couldn't feel it I was scared I'd cut myself (because you can hardly see it, either).
So now at least that's something I won't have to worry about for three more months! Losing brows and lashes might stink but there's pencils for brows, and I've used falsies for bellydance before. Now I guess I just get more practice!
The hardest part was last night. The Hunk brushed my hair out and it felt soooo good. I mean, I just like it when he brushes my hair. It's incredibly soothing, because he's so gentle, and being touched so softly by someone who loves you so much is just amazing.
But then later he mentioned that it had been really hard for him to do and he started crying and ... I can't make it better. :( I know exactly what he means - it's this constant reminder that something really is terribly wrong.
This particular symptom is hardest because quite literally, I'm falling apart. And there's nothing he can do about it except try to encourage me and support me. The thing is, though, I already have lots of encouragement and support. I think it's starting to leak out my ears!! But it's got to be even harder for him, because I think he feels like... like somehow he doesn't have the right to be upset or frustrated or worried because he's not the one with cancer. Or no, that's not right. That he can't SHOW his frustration or worry because it might upset ME. I think that's closer.
But I told him that I figured we'd each have some down times, and I wanted him to let me be there for him, too, just like I know he's here for me.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Good Habits - August 18
We got up so late that I think I didn't brush my teeth. *sigh* And I was so hungry that I ate a bowl of cereal and STILL wanted a McDonald's sandwich.
I don't know if I'm going to meet my word count, either. I'm tired and achy, and I got a full night's sleep last night - and then some. I slept right through class I was so tired. Completely forgot about it. Slept from like 5-10 and then had dinner. Went back to bed around midnight and slept through until the second alarm. Neither of us noticed the first one at all.
Side effects growing more noticeable. There's this zingy feeling in my mouth - a faintly metallic taste, like I'm sucking on a penny. I can't taste my food as much, but it's weird because it's still very satisfying. We had pizza tonight and it was particularly good - perhaps because of the variety of textures.
And I think my hair is starting to come out. I kind of freaked out today at school when I had an itch on my scalp, I scratched, and came away with a dozen strands.
Dammit, I'm not undead! I'm not supposed to have bits and pieces of me falling off! But I shake my head and ... whee, there goes another one onto the keyboard.
Fortunately I pick up my wigs on Friday. So over the weekend I'll probably get my head shaved and on Monday come in as a redhead. I've never shorn my head before. I wonder what that'll feel like.
I reeeally miss being able to have the Hunk "crunch" me. Haven't felt comfortable with that since surgery. But my shoulder and arm are feeling so much better. Maybe in another week or so we can get back to that.
302! woot!
I don't know if I'm going to meet my word count, either. I'm tired and achy, and I got a full night's sleep last night - and then some. I slept right through class I was so tired. Completely forgot about it. Slept from like 5-10 and then had dinner. Went back to bed around midnight and slept through until the second alarm. Neither of us noticed the first one at all.
Side effects growing more noticeable. There's this zingy feeling in my mouth - a faintly metallic taste, like I'm sucking on a penny. I can't taste my food as much, but it's weird because it's still very satisfying. We had pizza tonight and it was particularly good - perhaps because of the variety of textures.
And I think my hair is starting to come out. I kind of freaked out today at school when I had an itch on my scalp, I scratched, and came away with a dozen strands.
Dammit, I'm not undead! I'm not supposed to have bits and pieces of me falling off! But I shake my head and ... whee, there goes another one onto the keyboard.
Fortunately I pick up my wigs on Friday. So over the weekend I'll probably get my head shaved and on Monday come in as a redhead. I've never shorn my head before. I wonder what that'll feel like.
I reeeally miss being able to have the Hunk "crunch" me. Haven't felt comfortable with that since surgery. But my shoulder and arm are feeling so much better. Maybe in another week or so we can get back to that.
302! woot!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Good Habits - August 17
Well, I did NOT go for my walk after school yesterday - I spent too much time talking to other teachers about the first day! hahaha. OTOH I did spend a solid near-two-hours working up a sweat at bellydance. I figure that should count.
I brushed my teeth before bed. I did NOT eat an extra Oreo truffle as a snack. I didn't eat very many greens yesterday though... the green beans in lunch were crunchy, and I don't like them that way, so I only had a couple of bites. :P
Haven't yet brushed my teeth this morning, but I figure that's okay because it's four-frickin' thirty. I figure I'll be ok on half a night's sleep so long as we come straight home and I take a nap. I stayed up until past midnight because after I came home from class I worked on a flier for the upcoming hafla.
I woke up from a bad dream. I was having some extra symptoms - don't remember what - and all these doctors were people I didn't know and they kept saying they weren't sure what was going on but they wanted to do another test and here's a referral to someone who will do it. Then THAT doctor would say the same thing and give me a NEW referral to a NEW doctor and I'd have to find my way to wherever THAT office was... actually very similar to the start of my issues lately, only more so. And VERY frustrating.
But perhaps it was residual frustration because last night I actually went LOOKING for the unit plans I had written out for my photojournalism class and I just could NOT find them. I was - and in fact I still am - SO MAD. I mean, these are GOOD. And... I just have no idea. Spiral-bound notebook, toward the beginning... I've looked through all the notebooks I can find and they're not in any of them.
AURGH!
I brushed my teeth before bed. I did NOT eat an extra Oreo truffle as a snack. I didn't eat very many greens yesterday though... the green beans in lunch were crunchy, and I don't like them that way, so I only had a couple of bites. :P
Haven't yet brushed my teeth this morning, but I figure that's okay because it's four-frickin' thirty. I figure I'll be ok on half a night's sleep so long as we come straight home and I take a nap. I stayed up until past midnight because after I came home from class I worked on a flier for the upcoming hafla.
I woke up from a bad dream. I was having some extra symptoms - don't remember what - and all these doctors were people I didn't know and they kept saying they weren't sure what was going on but they wanted to do another test and here's a referral to someone who will do it. Then THAT doctor would say the same thing and give me a NEW referral to a NEW doctor and I'd have to find my way to wherever THAT office was... actually very similar to the start of my issues lately, only more so. And VERY frustrating.
But perhaps it was residual frustration because last night I actually went LOOKING for the unit plans I had written out for my photojournalism class and I just could NOT find them. I was - and in fact I still am - SO MAD. I mean, these are GOOD. And... I just have no idea. Spiral-bound notebook, toward the beginning... I've looked through all the notebooks I can find and they're not in any of them.
AURGH!
Monday, August 16, 2010
Good Habits - August 16
Today I'm going to go with the 15-minute writing rule as a cap, JUST IN CASE. It's the first day back with students and of course I don't want to be LATE. So at six-fifty I'm posting, whatever happens.
I realized just this morning that while I completely revamped my curriculum for Journalism I, I didn't do a darn thing to the syllabus! Oo, I need to throw my muffin wrapper away. Oops. And I should really be packing my bag up. At least I already let the puppy out to pee and put food and water in his dishes.
See, this is why I don't write. There are just too many other things to do. I don't know if I want breakfast or not. I'm just a little hungry, but I know I'm also nervous and excited, and goodness knows that if it ratchets up much farther I'm going to be glad of an empty stomach. I wonder if I have any of those white macadamia Luna bars left. Then I could take that with me and nosh on it if I calmed down.
Um.
Our dept chair texted me and said she was making something special. I bet it's Oreo truffles. Ommmm, those are SO SO GOOD! But then again, if I don't have something in me and I nosh on THOSE they'll probably send me bouncing off the walls with all that sugar!
They're made by crushing up Oreos and mixing the crumbs with cream cheese. Then you roll that mixture into little balls and dip the little balls into melted dark or white chocolate, and then finally drizzle the tops with the other color so it contrasts. MAN, they're good. I mean, I prefer cream cheese as a savory rather than a sweet, and I love 'em.
I bet I made my word count early! Let's see.
308, heck yeah!
I realized just this morning that while I completely revamped my curriculum for Journalism I, I didn't do a darn thing to the syllabus! Oo, I need to throw my muffin wrapper away. Oops. And I should really be packing my bag up. At least I already let the puppy out to pee and put food and water in his dishes.
See, this is why I don't write. There are just too many other things to do. I don't know if I want breakfast or not. I'm just a little hungry, but I know I'm also nervous and excited, and goodness knows that if it ratchets up much farther I'm going to be glad of an empty stomach. I wonder if I have any of those white macadamia Luna bars left. Then I could take that with me and nosh on it if I calmed down.
Um.
Our dept chair texted me and said she was making something special. I bet it's Oreo truffles. Ommmm, those are SO SO GOOD! But then again, if I don't have something in me and I nosh on THOSE they'll probably send me bouncing off the walls with all that sugar!
They're made by crushing up Oreos and mixing the crumbs with cream cheese. Then you roll that mixture into little balls and dip the little balls into melted dark or white chocolate, and then finally drizzle the tops with the other color so it contrasts. MAN, they're good. I mean, I prefer cream cheese as a savory rather than a sweet, and I love 'em.
I bet I made my word count early! Let's see.
308, heck yeah!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Discipline Update & Freewrite: August 14
My husband is the most amazing man the world has ever known (with a possible exception, on principle, of Christ).
He's sleeping over there on the sofa and I just want to go wake him up for a kiss. (Again.) Because I love him so much. He is sweet and sexy and fun and just a little nerdy and a bit more goofballish and patient and kind and brilliant and charming and humble. And that's off the top of my head. If I need to add to my word count I'll just come back to this paragraph and think a little more.
Today is our wedding anniversary. (I actually was thinking "this Saturday is our wedding anniversary" and then I realized that it IS Saturday now!) Six years, and we still twinkle at each other so much that servers regularly ask us if we want to split the check.
Mostly I don't have regrets in life, but one possible one is that we were "old" before we met. I mean, not old-old, but ... there were quite a few potentially-married years there. But then maybe if we'd met earlier things would've been different... WE would've been different... and it wouldn't've worked out. Which obviously would have been WORSE. Of course, though, I wouldn't've known it was worse. I wouldn't've known what I was missing. Which is scary, kind of.
I think I've told the story before, but I'm too lazy to go search through Epic Adventures, about how we met and I flat-out told him that I wasn't interested in any kind of serious relationship. Not with anyone - even him. (I was quite content as a single girl... it was kinda fun!) Just hooking up, cuz he was sexy and fun. And sweet.
But the more I got to know him, the more my subconscious started kicking the other parts of my brain, saying DON'T BE A COMPLETE IDIOT! It's not even like he actively DID anything to try to change my mind. He was just himself, and I kept waiting to find "the snake in the cookie jar." (My exact phrase, I swear.)
It didn't take too long for me to decide that even if I found something major later on, he was still worth it. (He proposed to me less than six months after we met and it felt like I had to wait FOR FRIKKIN EVER.) That was on Valentine's Day, 2004. Exactly half a year later (six months to the day!), we got married.
If you're reading this, you probably know me already through my online persona, at least to some degree. You know I'm not a romantic. I'm thoroughly practical. It was completely a practical decision. Sometimes I feel guilty (yes, literally guilty) because I'm NOT romantic and I took the best guy out of the picture for everyone else. On a regular basis, I wince and then apologize telepathically to every other woman on the planet because... I know I don't deserve him, but he offered, and I wasn't so dumb or so altruistic that I'd say no!
I love my Hunk! Many happy returns, baby. :)
He's sleeping over there on the sofa and I just want to go wake him up for a kiss. (Again.) Because I love him so much. He is sweet and sexy and fun and just a little nerdy and a bit more goofballish and patient and kind and brilliant and charming and humble. And that's off the top of my head. If I need to add to my word count I'll just come back to this paragraph and think a little more.
Today is our wedding anniversary. (I actually was thinking "this Saturday is our wedding anniversary" and then I realized that it IS Saturday now!) Six years, and we still twinkle at each other so much that servers regularly ask us if we want to split the check.
Mostly I don't have regrets in life, but one possible one is that we were "old" before we met. I mean, not old-old, but ... there were quite a few potentially-married years there. But then maybe if we'd met earlier things would've been different... WE would've been different... and it wouldn't've worked out. Which obviously would have been WORSE. Of course, though, I wouldn't've known it was worse. I wouldn't've known what I was missing. Which is scary, kind of.
I think I've told the story before, but I'm too lazy to go search through Epic Adventures, about how we met and I flat-out told him that I wasn't interested in any kind of serious relationship. Not with anyone - even him. (I was quite content as a single girl... it was kinda fun!) Just hooking up, cuz he was sexy and fun. And sweet.
But the more I got to know him, the more my subconscious started kicking the other parts of my brain, saying DON'T BE A COMPLETE IDIOT! It's not even like he actively DID anything to try to change my mind. He was just himself, and I kept waiting to find "the snake in the cookie jar." (My exact phrase, I swear.)
It didn't take too long for me to decide that even if I found something major later on, he was still worth it. (He proposed to me less than six months after we met and it felt like I had to wait FOR FRIKKIN EVER.) That was on Valentine's Day, 2004. Exactly half a year later (six months to the day!), we got married.
If you're reading this, you probably know me already through my online persona, at least to some degree. You know I'm not a romantic. I'm thoroughly practical. It was completely a practical decision. Sometimes I feel guilty (yes, literally guilty) because I'm NOT romantic and I took the best guy out of the picture for everyone else. On a regular basis, I wince and then apologize telepathically to every other woman on the planet because... I know I don't deserve him, but he offered, and I wasn't so dumb or so altruistic that I'd say no!
I love my Hunk! Many happy returns, baby. :)
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