Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Discipline Update & Freewrite: August 3

Okay, so. Met with the oncologist today. I don't know WHAT it is, but we just don't click. Like, at all. I just get this vibe that he's talking at me and around me, but not TO me. I'm sure it didn't help at all that I was still on pain meds and already pretty ticked at having to sit and wait and WAIT and wait, but whatever. I was just SO frustrated.

Long story short, there is NO chance for having ANY of my therapies done concurrently (warning: link is probably NSFW). But, whatever. I finally - FINALLY! - get to start my chemo on Thursday. Six sessions, three weeks apart, which means I should be done just before Thanksgiving.

Then it'll be time for who-knows-how-much radiation. That's an every day thing. Similar side effects, but milder.

I'm also supposed to get some genetic testing done. I am so TIRED OF TESTING. My God. My poor left arm is all beat-up from all the needles that have gone in it.

And the results of THAT test will determine how many pills I'll have to take for the rest of my life, as well as how easy it'll be to do the prophylactic surgeries on my other side and my ovaries.

Reconstruction is probably going to take me WELL into next year. Dammit.

SO tired of dealing with this. And just ... people who mean well but are ... well, ignorant. Asking? Asking is all good. Telling? Not so good. Telling me how I should feel or how I will feel or ... no, seriously, just don't go there. It is FINE if you want to tell me about YOUR EXPERIENCE. But ... do people not realize how idiotic it sounds when they try to tell me what my experience is going to be like, based on their experience?!

It is perfectly okay for you to tell me about your experience. It doesn't HAVE to be about me. Crikeys.

I mean, do I come across as THAT self-absorbed?